It was a perfect place for week-end vacations! Chirping of birds! Musical flow of river! Mild roars of wild, fee animals! The misty air and the sun plying hide and seek with unsuspecting clouds! It was nature at its best! Mysterious best! Nature’s best creation, through unplanned artistic endeavours makes one freeing his soul from the restraints of a mortal world...wild has mortal elements but their way of living borders on immortality..Here, the heavens declared the glory of God and infinite skies were proclaiming the work of his hands. Day after day, night after night they poured forth blessings and purity...
This jungle was no different...
The wild's co-habitants living lives in their own way...few roamed wildly...it was privilege of those who possessed power and who never relied upon their heart's calling! The meek trying to co-exist in their own unassuming way! In the dark corners of trees and virgin lands!
Small creatures were always afraid of scavengers and opportunists. One of them was a white dove. Chirpy, innocent and beautiful! Its feathers reflected the purity of its soul. Lost in the maze of its self-created world, it went about its task of living life. A dove's life! Dove had a happy feel about its existence. Waking up, going on with life, scanning the trees, branches, leaves for its living! Its nest was decorated with whatever can be called the need of the hour. A small space, perfectly fitting to its tiny size, nest did not have a base or a roof..! Few sideways doors, where it could sneak from as and when desired.
The dove's perfect life style lacked just one thing...wings! Its wings were not fully blossomed...not that, dove was not aware of it, but quietly reconciled to this hard fact, it often wondered how would it feel to fly? With no barriers, no restraints! Few drops would just fall down in those moments, but dove always managed to gather herself! I should not complain about the things which I don’t have! I am chained to my reality...and I still assume reality to be beautiful...
The wild was full of fascinating creatures...one of them was an eagle! Young, beautiful and with inborn gift of ability to fly high an dry! The eagles have a royal thing about them...one of the most wonderful sight is an eagle flying high with wings wide open...as if earth and sky merge together in its kingdom..It has a lazy appeal about it...the way it flies gives an impression of how confident it is of its abilities...but essentially its a predator...who keeps loking for its prey...and when its hungry...and hunts down,it looks even more beautiful..Calm,serence but ready to snatch away its meal. It’s kind of gory in a soft way...
One of those predatory hunt made it notice the dove...for once, eagle was mesmerized with dove's beauty but then the rule of wild says, if you hesitate even for a moment, you will die hungry...here the head rules the heart...it was about to grasp dove in its powerful jaw but some other easier meat distracted it...
Both had a different world...different perception of its existence...and both were happy...
Soon enough, eagle was on hunt again...his sharp memory reminded him of dove...lets colour this evening with soft, sweet meat of that beautiful dove...he hunts her..And soon finds her. Dove was resting in her nest...humming songs of belongingness...her face was radiant...unaware of what was going to befall upon her...she was lost...she was nourishing her half developed wings...sometimes, praying and some other times cursing God for them...yet optimistic enough..Eagle on his part, waited long enough...he could have given her a painless death but he kept watching...he had a smile on his face when he saw her singing and dancing...it seemed as if she was painting her own canvass ..With some mix colours...every colour was faded...vague...but she was happy using them...he waited long and she kept mesmerising him...he was hungry yet what he was witnessing was a rarity for him.
He had never ever witnessed a tiny creature's even tinier world! He knew nothing about song and dance but his mind said, its probably a way to celebrate life...to feel good about your self...so many times, he extended his jaw but stopped himself..
Suddenly, dove tunred...everything stopped...for a moment she looked fearful...and then everything changed...she stared at his eyes...it was brimming with curiosity...and wonders, why aint she afraid..? Isn’t she supposed to fear? Beg for mercy? Both kept staring at one another!
Something nudged eagle from inside...a voice...a beat...is this time I dispose of those petty tyrants? One on the throne of sky...flying away to unknown horizons...and one inside me! Her delicious meat may satisfy my hunger but is that the only way out?
Whereas dove's nerves were stable now...the initial fear of death was gone...he doesnt want to kill me otherwise he would have killed me? Why is he waiting? But sooner her thoughts, moved to his royal presence! He is big, powerful, belongs to a royal breed! His aura is invincible...and look at his wings...so wide...so beautiful..!
She touched his wings...and felt as if she was touching divine...eagle stood incredulously...wondering how he should react. For him everything seemed unreal...no other species had ever touched his wings..He was also not familiar with someone's touch. It felt good. But strange...it felt soothing but...out of world phenomenon...should I bite the hand which is touching me or should i just watch her next step...
Dove was in delirium ...now feeling his wings with her complete flesh...this cant be real...I knew, I was missing something beautiful but I never knew this was so beauiful...she was experiencing a complete transcendental occult..
Eagle’s blood started rushing. His each and every vein was aching...the mind was hungry, the heart was experiencing the never before felt sensations...
he was trying to give words to what he was feeling but no other word crossed his mind except beauty...sure, there are many other words but somehow, I am not able to allow them to reach my subconscious because they seem to be lost in its sheer beauty as well...eagle touched her...carefully...it was an innocent touch...
And she felt protected...and cared like never before...he touched again...and she immersed her being in his strong arms...she had her eyes closed..He had his eyes fixed on her face and feeling wonderful. Reincarnated...
It went on for hours...nothing else mattered...the world had stopped...two contrasting souls finding impossible in each other's embrace...
Dove whispered,
“Just hold on to my loneliness....I don’t want to move...
Did I ever need anything? Did I ever ask for anything?
I did not…I won’t...just be by my side...and swear on the eternity that you will always love me..!”
The dream continued...they met next day...and the next day...and then next week...she was no more fearful of unknown...he was no longer feeling a strength with hollowness at its fulcrum...he was feeling complete..Giving...caring...nurturing...feeding...
And the dove. Started believing...in don’t know what...but she started...her half wings were no longer making her feel incomplete...she ran to him every time...and nature witnessed something phenomenal...then they started to fly...she looked at her abode and said..Goodbye...she had become what they were together...unison of souls...she learned how to fly even with those wings...
And then one fine day. He put his shivering lips on her's...
Something happened...
............
...........
Did clouds roared? Did heart stop beating?
..........
..........
Yes, noone knows what happened..!
……….
He was lying down...his stunned face turning dark...from the corners of his mouth, few blood drops started dripping...he was losing consciousness...
What was that?
"Were those lips poisoned? Yes..
Or am I hallucinating about my impending death? What’s happening?
Am I going backward, in a different time zone?
Slowly rewinding things of future!
Or am I trapped inside my memory?
Was I betrayed? Or did my mind betray me?
Or something else is unravelling slowly...
Am I being haunted by my own heart?
Or did I try to breathe in an artless life?”
Dove stood calmly..! Same sernity...at peace with herself..!A faint smile...
.. Few flutters...and a crow emerged from the bush...singing and dancing in his ugly way...
Dove smiled...crow laughed back..!
They hugged each other..!
"I love you my princess!"
"I love you too my king crow!"
Dove thought to herself...
"It’s a beautiful lie...I had to survive...the nature of wild follows no rules...no hearts...
Moreso, it just demanded an act! Survival of the smartest...! After all he was an eagle. A predator essentially…...
It’s a perfect denial...though I was true to myself...i did what I had to...and crow is not a bad choice...
He is just ugly but in bargain, I also get a life long slave!
And love? Yes...I loved his wings...I will have them in his memory…
My dear crow, would you please cut those large wings of that predator who was trying to snatch away your beloved and gift me? "
Crow thought to himself...
I know I am ugly...where else can I get such beautiful partner?
I know I will stand by her...forever...!
Eagle was about to die...wondering how it panned out...
He whispered...
"You should know how I feel. you pulled me back to an unknown territory and then...just pushed me off...to be alone the rest of my life...but keep flying my love...I wonder, whether you can look at my tears or hear my muted cries...I wish you could come closer...but don’t come closer even If you suppressed heart says it..You have done enough...
Sweetheart, is this the life you lead or I could not see a life that led for you!
Perhaps the universe is designed to break one's heart...
But all I will say is...please smile while I bleed...
It’s just your smile that I need...
Smile while I die...but never ever ask me why!!
After all it was a beautiful lie to believe in..."
Dove never heard those whispers...
Sunday, 23 March 2008
Monday, 3 March 2008
Gibberish Gyan!
I woke up once again, listening to the echo of my muted screams. I was gasping for air, pure, calm air. but all I could inhale was smell of few burning skins along with suffocated dreams, broken wings and sighs of "kill him, kill him"! I was still carrying knife in my hand, carving a picturesque shape of perfectly symmetrical square. Blood drops dripping form the upper two corners of the divine square. I looked at the mirror. Everything looked blurred. But I could figure out a sense of indifference on my ugly face. Mirror appeared all red and glowing and I fell in love with its reflection on my face. The blood tasted bitterly sweet and I was in delirium. I could see presence of few faces, but had trouble identifying them. Could not even identify their expressions. Blood kept on dripping and I was lost in collecting them. They nourish my dreams so perfectly. Rest I just gift to my friends.
It’s getting dark and when I opened my eyes I found myself in never land.
The walls were all white. There were various holes in the walls. Each hole had a note containing a thought and instruction, asking me to explain them or else, I won’t be able to feed my unidentified spectators with my blood drops. First note to justify god's actions and their playfulness...second, human psychology...Third, women...And so on...my neurotransmitters were required to take over from there...And it went about its duty of bringing random lines in to my life...
You see, I love gods. I am an atheist and non-atheist. I believe in their miracles and I am a fan of their strategies. Why don they come to corporate conference rooms? I am pretty sure with their help; business houses would be able to decimate their competitors.shrewed, smart and cunning to the core, my dear lords! What gave you such an ingenious idea to first create devils and then destroying them and making yourself immortal! That’s called genius. Every god had to die in unforeseen circumastances.mohammad, Jesus, and the likes had to go through all sort of punitive measures which were later christened sacrifices. it really helped in glorifying their existence so that mankind could understand the importance of their selfless sacrifices. But tell me, if it was not called or rather propagated sacrifice who the hell would have understood the futility of their death. Killed who? Who saw it? Who wrote the description? Why the hell Buddha left everything including his young wife and a toddler? To attain nirvana? To achieve enlightment? My foot! To preach peace and importance of leaving behind all attachments! One wonders, when the so called god himself did not fulfil a small duty of holding his family why on earth we ordinary mortals are expected to do so! Yeah, perhaps in the veil of some bigger purposes!
I wonder why gods need to glorify themselves, they way they did. Why Rama and Krishna (read Vishnu) had to take human forms to kill baddies? After all he was a god with infinite powers. He could have killed them directly. first you make the villains (kansh, ravana) immortal, blessing them with impractical benedictions then you take birth in good family, have fun with chicks, glorifying each n everything including how you shit, how and to how many you make love, making them registered in collection of lengthy book called religious scriptures and then just kill the villain and there goes chants of hail lord. Hail lord..! And the point is, what you gain, is great respect and blind following of billions of fucked up blind humans till eternity! Someone in a movie said, the biggest trick the devil ever pulled was to make the world believe that he does not exist. Well, devil was smart enough but our dear lords are always hell bent upon making us believe that devils do exist and he is the one who is going to protect us. Hail lord!
If gods do the same pity things, leaving behind trail of many tricks of deceit, sex and violence, why should humans feel left behind? They have to complement gods. Each and every fucking human is motivated by its own selfish reasons. Every human follows its own dictums, own wicked motives, conspiracies. That is not a problem. The problem arises when they pretend and pass statements like no, we live for others. We care for our fiends. We love selflessly. I am happy with you. I will die without you. My, my don’t they get tired of it? When Ayn Rand talked about invidualism and capitalism, half of the world stood against her. She just stated the obvious. Why are we so afraid of accepting the truth? If we are selfish, think of our well being as our primary objective, what’s wrong with that! Why one does has to pretend? And the irony is, it’s fashionable to be called individualist! Ask half of those crooks to spell this term!
Try to find the meanings associated with psycho analysis of the earlier species that descended upon the earth. Charles Darwin came up with the theory of survival of the fittest! i wish he could specify how various species survive. The powerful finishing away the meek is just one side of the story. Victimising the weak by the sheer use of force would not achieve the purpose. It’s not about killing the flesh and blood alone. One has to kill the spirit and there lies the true victory. When the man came along, he had to kill animals to fulfil his hunger. As societies started brewing up, the common factors were muder, deceit, fraud, schemes, polygamy. Those were the norms. Conscience never even existed. Those norms exist even more strongly today. But what has changed is they are used in a planned way, behind the veils. What’s the difference between man and animals? Brain? Sensibility? Well, that grand usage of brain is so clearly visible in matters of sex and marriage. That’s the biggest hypocrisy. Gods, kings could have as many as queens as they wanted. But we citizens of social republic cant have. But here again, if you are from upper class with the power of paper notes, it’s possible with you.
Sex before marriage??? Curse/immoral/unethical! Is it? Yes, because a girl's chastity is of supreme importance. If you lose it before marriage you have no character. But yes, when you are fucked on your wedding night, it is merger of two souls who have decided to stick/tolerate each other for next seven births (as if one birth is not sufficient).s wow..! i am impressed..!And here "wow" is not a game, it’s an addiction! But in the hindsight, if it is done in some corridor, rented hotel room, toilet, it’s all fine. All you need is the ability to appear virgin.yet; someone would please explain why condom sales are its maximum during the auspicious and religious occasion of Navratra? Leave alone only unmarried and youngsters, so many mrs x,y n z get screwed by the likes of mr a,b and c..Who noticed? Did they? Now, here we should not care.., no? Come on; let’s play dandia...dholi taaro dhol baaje..!Here every male worth his education, is intrigued by mystery of Cleopatra, who was a man eater! But come back to males family, society if they find a woman meeting eyes with strangers, all hell breaks lose!
When a French president goes public with his affair with a super model who is a staunch believer in polygamy, people makes faces, question the integrity of his character. When amitabh bachachan romances a 16 year old girl. People burn posters, pelt stones on the screen, because they find it unethical! Gimme a break, you unauthorized moral guardians! Given a choice and chance every 50 years male who is very starved of taut skin and young flesh, would love to go for a teenager's embrace. But no, we represent society; we have to talk about some non-existent values and virtues. It’s a different matter; everything goes up in smoke, when we switch off the lights of our bedrooms. There, in the dark shadows, virginity is the most aspired thing. There, we would not mind screwing a blooming bud.
Even in this merger of male-female spirit is so vicious and uneven. since beginning,male,the mindless creatures, have kept themselves indulged in ruling, carrying swords,preaching,hunting prey, selling/buying household commodities whereas females! Well, they have ruled the roost. Did someone really understand the term homemaker? The genes itself mastered the art of making and even more skilfully breaking homes. One draupadi caused mahabharat.one sita caused Ramayana. Another keykeyi forced Rama to exile. It still works the same way. They say, movies, drama reflect the reality of societies. Then I am not surprised why all the vamps in the ekta kapoor serials are poplar. Every home has a wicked female vamp. Otherwise what else would explain the popularity of Tulsi? The lone warrior in the notorious K-serials! Who do we admire the most? Who do we wish to follow? The person, who to some extent symbolizes what we are not, the good things we would have wished to possess! Doesn’t popularity of Tulsi reflect the desire of many households to have same type of daughter/sister/daughter-in-law and mother in law? And why that strong desire? Just because types of tulsis are rarity! Because females can’t be like that! So on one hand they love her and on the other, many of them despise her simply because they can’t be like her!
Talking of new age rage of women empowerment, my head starts spinning when i think of how it has panned out. Few females are so empowered that playing with guys feelings make them feel empowered. Having a job, steady income, ability to dance out the complete night, having a fag and drink are the few symbols of empowerment. Now the notion of true love says, first have many relationships, taste n test as many guys possible and choose the one your mom decides. That’s empowerment.now, instaed of guys riding you, you can ride them. You have to be on top of them, literally and figuratively. What males have done to you females since inception, do it to them. Make them go gaga over you. Take your time. And then in a flash, break it hard. Burn the pics; flush it in your toilet. Job is well done. Did not my mom teach me, revenge is a dish best served when it’s cold? A recent study says, on an average a male spends almost one year of his life staring at women's breasts, hips and legs! Did someone say yuckkk?? Come on, you bra-burning feminists, raise your voices! Make slogans of condemning men and asking who gave men these rights? Or just enlighten me, whether you are delighted to be ogled so vehemently?
Let’s make it easy babes. Come on honey, humans are primarily created to reproduce. We are nothing but mammals, so lets do it like they do it live on discovery channel.feminism, afterall is much hyped but a waning virtue. Finding a female who is firm yet understanding, strong yet sensible, tough yet sensitive, is like rubbing Aladdin’s chirag and asking the jinn for impossible. Even jinn won’t appear because granting a simple wish like that is beyond their power.
Finally, relationships! Made by blood and self-made! Promises, deals, extravagant shows of bonding, attachment and never to be fulfilled broken beliefs! What exactly causes those feelings which were forced to come into existence so that later on it comes handy while one breaks hearts! Name it, and you have it. Changing dynamics of families, so called love, greatness of friendship (why the hell, am having a wry smile on my ugly face?).People change and more they change, more they remain the same. In real terms absolutely nothing changes.
Someone said...”Nazar toh wahi rehti hai,nazaria badal jaata hai"! Who causes that change of nazaria? Self. Right? No, but we love to blame others. People tend to blame parents, beloved, and friends for every failure of theirs. One of the mot common sight in world is relationships wreaking havoc on individuals because of a miscommunication. But they won’t talk. Now here lord turns himself in ego, arrogance without any substance! Mortals hail those new age mantras of ego/arrogance! Every relationship is need based.but, we have sworn upon our forefathers never to accept this plain truth.afterall, we are selfless, generous and there is no way out to make your presence count in a relationship except these false notions! It’s all fake. Lie and deceit rule the roost. Silly, its practicality! Be realistic mate! Ok, hail my all relationships.
My neurotransmitters stopped working. Exhausted, they brought me back to current time zone. I was transported back to my two rooms flat. I was staring at my mirror. Everything seemed to be a dream. I don’t want to think about that. The world will appear meaningless. I found similarity with the joker of "Mera Naam Joker". The protagonist keeps moving. He loves and he fails. He loves again and fails again. Russian actress in her broken Hindi says 'phir milenge' and joker smiles. Yes, phir milenge. He wants to see the world happy. He acts foolishly, the people laugh and move on.afterall, they got entertained, and they got their money's worth. Its done. Finally the big heart is broken into pieces. People cry this time but move on, very swiftly. Probably this joker has nothing more to offer now!
Mirror knocked my subconscious...you still did not get it?
It said "you fool, why don’t you slit the bastard's throat? The bastard who is innocent, honest, caring and loving! Doesn’t he knows, world hardly cares for those extinct attributes? Rather that allowing it to get trampled, rattled and watching its slow death, why don’t you just slit its throat? Because you believe in the maxim hope floats? Since when you have started seeing the hope floating without any speed breakers! Everyone carries a pseudo image of itself and so do you. Yes, this bastard called 'conscience' has no parents! No legality. Its orphan. Give up my weary wolf!"
This time, I kept staring at it. The knife was back in my hand. The square had got bigger and better.now, it was flooding with blood. The only thing which changed was, my ugly face had a big laugh on it. Spectators' faces were getting clear. I could see their happy expressions. They demanded my blood.
Take as much as you want. That’s why I have been collecting the luscious drops. By the time, you collect them, let me be happy. Let me laugh out loud. Aint I one of those scheming humans, pretending to be generous and giving?
The rest is still unwritten....!
It’s getting dark and when I opened my eyes I found myself in never land.
The walls were all white. There were various holes in the walls. Each hole had a note containing a thought and instruction, asking me to explain them or else, I won’t be able to feed my unidentified spectators with my blood drops. First note to justify god's actions and their playfulness...second, human psychology...Third, women...And so on...my neurotransmitters were required to take over from there...And it went about its duty of bringing random lines in to my life...
You see, I love gods. I am an atheist and non-atheist. I believe in their miracles and I am a fan of their strategies. Why don they come to corporate conference rooms? I am pretty sure with their help; business houses would be able to decimate their competitors.shrewed, smart and cunning to the core, my dear lords! What gave you such an ingenious idea to first create devils and then destroying them and making yourself immortal! That’s called genius. Every god had to die in unforeseen circumastances.mohammad, Jesus, and the likes had to go through all sort of punitive measures which were later christened sacrifices. it really helped in glorifying their existence so that mankind could understand the importance of their selfless sacrifices. But tell me, if it was not called or rather propagated sacrifice who the hell would have understood the futility of their death. Killed who? Who saw it? Who wrote the description? Why the hell Buddha left everything including his young wife and a toddler? To attain nirvana? To achieve enlightment? My foot! To preach peace and importance of leaving behind all attachments! One wonders, when the so called god himself did not fulfil a small duty of holding his family why on earth we ordinary mortals are expected to do so! Yeah, perhaps in the veil of some bigger purposes!
I wonder why gods need to glorify themselves, they way they did. Why Rama and Krishna (read Vishnu) had to take human forms to kill baddies? After all he was a god with infinite powers. He could have killed them directly. first you make the villains (kansh, ravana) immortal, blessing them with impractical benedictions then you take birth in good family, have fun with chicks, glorifying each n everything including how you shit, how and to how many you make love, making them registered in collection of lengthy book called religious scriptures and then just kill the villain and there goes chants of hail lord. Hail lord..! And the point is, what you gain, is great respect and blind following of billions of fucked up blind humans till eternity! Someone in a movie said, the biggest trick the devil ever pulled was to make the world believe that he does not exist. Well, devil was smart enough but our dear lords are always hell bent upon making us believe that devils do exist and he is the one who is going to protect us. Hail lord!
If gods do the same pity things, leaving behind trail of many tricks of deceit, sex and violence, why should humans feel left behind? They have to complement gods. Each and every fucking human is motivated by its own selfish reasons. Every human follows its own dictums, own wicked motives, conspiracies. That is not a problem. The problem arises when they pretend and pass statements like no, we live for others. We care for our fiends. We love selflessly. I am happy with you. I will die without you. My, my don’t they get tired of it? When Ayn Rand talked about invidualism and capitalism, half of the world stood against her. She just stated the obvious. Why are we so afraid of accepting the truth? If we are selfish, think of our well being as our primary objective, what’s wrong with that! Why one does has to pretend? And the irony is, it’s fashionable to be called individualist! Ask half of those crooks to spell this term!
Try to find the meanings associated with psycho analysis of the earlier species that descended upon the earth. Charles Darwin came up with the theory of survival of the fittest! i wish he could specify how various species survive. The powerful finishing away the meek is just one side of the story. Victimising the weak by the sheer use of force would not achieve the purpose. It’s not about killing the flesh and blood alone. One has to kill the spirit and there lies the true victory. When the man came along, he had to kill animals to fulfil his hunger. As societies started brewing up, the common factors were muder, deceit, fraud, schemes, polygamy. Those were the norms. Conscience never even existed. Those norms exist even more strongly today. But what has changed is they are used in a planned way, behind the veils. What’s the difference between man and animals? Brain? Sensibility? Well, that grand usage of brain is so clearly visible in matters of sex and marriage. That’s the biggest hypocrisy. Gods, kings could have as many as queens as they wanted. But we citizens of social republic cant have. But here again, if you are from upper class with the power of paper notes, it’s possible with you.
Sex before marriage??? Curse/immoral/unethical! Is it? Yes, because a girl's chastity is of supreme importance. If you lose it before marriage you have no character. But yes, when you are fucked on your wedding night, it is merger of two souls who have decided to stick/tolerate each other for next seven births (as if one birth is not sufficient).s wow..! i am impressed..!And here "wow" is not a game, it’s an addiction! But in the hindsight, if it is done in some corridor, rented hotel room, toilet, it’s all fine. All you need is the ability to appear virgin.yet; someone would please explain why condom sales are its maximum during the auspicious and religious occasion of Navratra? Leave alone only unmarried and youngsters, so many mrs x,y n z get screwed by the likes of mr a,b and c..Who noticed? Did they? Now, here we should not care.., no? Come on; let’s play dandia...dholi taaro dhol baaje..!Here every male worth his education, is intrigued by mystery of Cleopatra, who was a man eater! But come back to males family, society if they find a woman meeting eyes with strangers, all hell breaks lose!
When a French president goes public with his affair with a super model who is a staunch believer in polygamy, people makes faces, question the integrity of his character. When amitabh bachachan romances a 16 year old girl. People burn posters, pelt stones on the screen, because they find it unethical! Gimme a break, you unauthorized moral guardians! Given a choice and chance every 50 years male who is very starved of taut skin and young flesh, would love to go for a teenager's embrace. But no, we represent society; we have to talk about some non-existent values and virtues. It’s a different matter; everything goes up in smoke, when we switch off the lights of our bedrooms. There, in the dark shadows, virginity is the most aspired thing. There, we would not mind screwing a blooming bud.
Even in this merger of male-female spirit is so vicious and uneven. since beginning,male,the mindless creatures, have kept themselves indulged in ruling, carrying swords,preaching,hunting prey, selling/buying household commodities whereas females! Well, they have ruled the roost. Did someone really understand the term homemaker? The genes itself mastered the art of making and even more skilfully breaking homes. One draupadi caused mahabharat.one sita caused Ramayana. Another keykeyi forced Rama to exile. It still works the same way. They say, movies, drama reflect the reality of societies. Then I am not surprised why all the vamps in the ekta kapoor serials are poplar. Every home has a wicked female vamp. Otherwise what else would explain the popularity of Tulsi? The lone warrior in the notorious K-serials! Who do we admire the most? Who do we wish to follow? The person, who to some extent symbolizes what we are not, the good things we would have wished to possess! Doesn’t popularity of Tulsi reflect the desire of many households to have same type of daughter/sister/daughter-in-law and mother in law? And why that strong desire? Just because types of tulsis are rarity! Because females can’t be like that! So on one hand they love her and on the other, many of them despise her simply because they can’t be like her!
Talking of new age rage of women empowerment, my head starts spinning when i think of how it has panned out. Few females are so empowered that playing with guys feelings make them feel empowered. Having a job, steady income, ability to dance out the complete night, having a fag and drink are the few symbols of empowerment. Now the notion of true love says, first have many relationships, taste n test as many guys possible and choose the one your mom decides. That’s empowerment.now, instaed of guys riding you, you can ride them. You have to be on top of them, literally and figuratively. What males have done to you females since inception, do it to them. Make them go gaga over you. Take your time. And then in a flash, break it hard. Burn the pics; flush it in your toilet. Job is well done. Did not my mom teach me, revenge is a dish best served when it’s cold? A recent study says, on an average a male spends almost one year of his life staring at women's breasts, hips and legs! Did someone say yuckkk?? Come on, you bra-burning feminists, raise your voices! Make slogans of condemning men and asking who gave men these rights? Or just enlighten me, whether you are delighted to be ogled so vehemently?
Let’s make it easy babes. Come on honey, humans are primarily created to reproduce. We are nothing but mammals, so lets do it like they do it live on discovery channel.feminism, afterall is much hyped but a waning virtue. Finding a female who is firm yet understanding, strong yet sensible, tough yet sensitive, is like rubbing Aladdin’s chirag and asking the jinn for impossible. Even jinn won’t appear because granting a simple wish like that is beyond their power.
Finally, relationships! Made by blood and self-made! Promises, deals, extravagant shows of bonding, attachment and never to be fulfilled broken beliefs! What exactly causes those feelings which were forced to come into existence so that later on it comes handy while one breaks hearts! Name it, and you have it. Changing dynamics of families, so called love, greatness of friendship (why the hell, am having a wry smile on my ugly face?).People change and more they change, more they remain the same. In real terms absolutely nothing changes.
Someone said...”Nazar toh wahi rehti hai,nazaria badal jaata hai"! Who causes that change of nazaria? Self. Right? No, but we love to blame others. People tend to blame parents, beloved, and friends for every failure of theirs. One of the mot common sight in world is relationships wreaking havoc on individuals because of a miscommunication. But they won’t talk. Now here lord turns himself in ego, arrogance without any substance! Mortals hail those new age mantras of ego/arrogance! Every relationship is need based.but, we have sworn upon our forefathers never to accept this plain truth.afterall, we are selfless, generous and there is no way out to make your presence count in a relationship except these false notions! It’s all fake. Lie and deceit rule the roost. Silly, its practicality! Be realistic mate! Ok, hail my all relationships.
My neurotransmitters stopped working. Exhausted, they brought me back to current time zone. I was transported back to my two rooms flat. I was staring at my mirror. Everything seemed to be a dream. I don’t want to think about that. The world will appear meaningless. I found similarity with the joker of "Mera Naam Joker". The protagonist keeps moving. He loves and he fails. He loves again and fails again. Russian actress in her broken Hindi says 'phir milenge' and joker smiles. Yes, phir milenge. He wants to see the world happy. He acts foolishly, the people laugh and move on.afterall, they got entertained, and they got their money's worth. Its done. Finally the big heart is broken into pieces. People cry this time but move on, very swiftly. Probably this joker has nothing more to offer now!
Mirror knocked my subconscious...you still did not get it?
It said "you fool, why don’t you slit the bastard's throat? The bastard who is innocent, honest, caring and loving! Doesn’t he knows, world hardly cares for those extinct attributes? Rather that allowing it to get trampled, rattled and watching its slow death, why don’t you just slit its throat? Because you believe in the maxim hope floats? Since when you have started seeing the hope floating without any speed breakers! Everyone carries a pseudo image of itself and so do you. Yes, this bastard called 'conscience' has no parents! No legality. Its orphan. Give up my weary wolf!"
This time, I kept staring at it. The knife was back in my hand. The square had got bigger and better.now, it was flooding with blood. The only thing which changed was, my ugly face had a big laugh on it. Spectators' faces were getting clear. I could see their happy expressions. They demanded my blood.
Take as much as you want. That’s why I have been collecting the luscious drops. By the time, you collect them, let me be happy. Let me laugh out loud. Aint I one of those scheming humans, pretending to be generous and giving?
The rest is still unwritten....!
Saturday, 29 December 2007
Yes,Ramu Watched It All...!
It was six PM in the evening. The shutters were not yet closed. The old cacophony still hanged on in the premises. I am used to these noises for years. It’s a Kind of soothing music. People running here and there. Owners shouting at their employees. Customers pleading to traders. Few even getting angry! Everyone is in Hurry!
Mr.Parekh called up and enquired about the delivery.
"Arre saheb, parekh bol raha hoon!
Maal abhi tak deliver nahi hua..."
"Parekh saheb, pehle rokra iss baar..! Aapka khaata bahut din chal chuka...”
"Parekh replied...arre jignesh bhai...samjha karo...customer khade hai baahar...once i get the delivery, i wil clear all the dues!"
"No parekh, the big apple group has already paid for the entire commodity! It’s a six month advance! Ab kaha...udhaar khaata chalta hai...you can see it na, the Mode has changed! Advance payment, and you get the delivery! No running after traders! Time has changed parekh saheb!"
Parekh continued...”jignesh bhai, we have old relationship! It was never this way! Did I ever make you wait? Aapko saara amount mil jaata hai na?!"
Jignesh- "parekh bhai...I do understand, but time has changed! Its era of globalization! First you pay, and then you get the delivery! Relationship is at its own place! Business apni jagah! Sab badal gaya hai parekh bhai...”
"hello? Hello?"
The line was disconnected..!
I was watching all...parekh bhai's forehead was laden with sweats! I could see him pleading with all other options, the other traders...but none of them budged..!He tried to explain customers but all of them threatened to shift to other traders..!
He pleaded...he tried to explain...he asked for forgiveness...he asked for time...he reasoned them the years old relationship...
Nothing worked..!
He ordered me to close down the shutters!
And walked away...all dejected...dispointed...head hanging low...
I was watching it all...!
====================================================================
Mrs Parekh had just ordered kitchen items. The doorbell rang.
“Yes ma'm...please accept your stuff!”
The stuff comprised, vegetables, grains, daily use commodities! All from food bazaar!
Stuffs were all polished! Packaged! Having plastered price tag used over them! With the ever so enticing DISCOUNTS..! Up to 15 to 30 percent..!
In few of the things...even to the extent of 50 percent..!
The prospect was indeed salivating...if you take one kg of kohinoor basmati rice, it will cost you 50 rupees. But if you purchase three kgs, it will cost you just
89.99 rupees..!
Wow...a clear cut discount of 60 rupees.! Any house wife would give an eye for that!
Mr.parekh was watching it all!
"Dipti, dont you know, I was bringing the same rice for 25 rupees?
"Dekho ji, aap har baat mein kich-kich mat karo!?
It’s a different type of basmati rice! It has more shine, more taste and see the packaging! Packaging itself would have costed 10 rupees!"
Parekh tried to answer; the packaging costs not more than 30 paisa! But the smile which the delivery boy greeted with you definitely costed you almost 100 Rupees! I will bring the same rice next time, if you prefer it so much!
"Aap rehne do! Main bhi dekh chuki, aap kya kya laate ho..!"
And Mr Parekh walked away...all dejected...dispointed...head hanging low...
I was watching it all...!
===============================================================================================
Accha suno ji! How does this look? Maroon colored, laced lingerie!
Mr Parekh stood shocked!
“Since when you have started wearing this? “
She replied,” I watched it on Victoria’s secret show! There were so many fascinating designs, with different colors; different patterns and few were just wow..! Totally Transparent! They did cost a bomb! But then, I needed to flaunt it in the kitty party! Afterall, with changing times, we need to upgrade ourselves as well!
Afterall, with changing times, we need to upgrade ourselves as well! And It feels good to be aware of your own sexuality, even if demands to expose my cleavage a bit or just wearing transparent stuff!”
“Anyways, you won’t understand, you are oblivious to new world!
I wish I had a modern husband!
I am going to watch FTV 11 PM show...!”
Mr Parekh walked away to his bedroom...all dejected...dispointed...head hanging low...
I was watching it all..!
==========================================================================
Pinky shouted,……….. mom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What’s this? From where the hell did you bring this wheat? Chapatti tastes so yuckkkkk!!!
“Beta, it’s from, dad’s wheat mill!”
“I knew it! You are still cooking things from dad's antique museum?”
Mr Parekh intrrupted...pinky...beta...its home grown...of good quality..!
Listen dad! Chillax!
“I know what I like! And I know what’s the quality of your so called home grown, well cooked, well packaged, well delivered, and well prepared good quality stuff!
I can’t take this all! Mom...i am gonna have, some pizza and burger! You better Taste that old man and then you will find what service and quality is all about!
Come’ on give me some cash. I have run out of my credit card balance! And tell ramu to deposit cash in my account!”
Mr Parekh kept chewing the yuck chapatti...all dejected...dispointed...head hanging low...
I was watching it all..!
====================================================================
Sonu came rushing from his swanky motorbike!
"Dad.....!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Are you nuts? Mumma, why don’t you make him understand? I have a standing among my mates! They think, I am the son of a big time businessman!!
My foot! Why the hell did not you tell me, what stuff he gifted me on my birthday?
You know what’s it called?
Damn...!!
He gifted me a khaadi shirt???? Khaadiiiiii?? Can you believe that?
You realize how the guyz made fun of me??
Probably you don’t because dad never had any dress sense! But I needed clothes to suit my bike and gizmos!
I want to have new attire by evening!
And listen...i just saw this new N82!
Get that for me before any of my friends get a hand on it!”
Mr Parekh kept reading newspaper...with an eye on his old cell phone........all dejected...dispointed...head hanging low...
I was watching it all..!
==================================================================
MR PAREKH...we are sorry...! The supply has all dried up...even if you in pay in advance, the delivery have been booked for next 8 months! We have received amazing Prices for it!
Though, being a friend I will suggest you! Better shift to some other business! Shut it down! Or just take a franchise for any of the big retail boy! They are Bigger than you...! When surrendering your ownership can make you more prosper, whats the need of being your own owner..!?
Afterall, paisa bolta hai sarkar...!”
Mr parekh kept mum with a wry smile....all dejected...dispointed..Head hanging low...
I was watching it all..!
=============================================================
Those were the days...traders and farmers sitting together...making deals...the business ran on trust, credit and co-operation...the sound of Seth ji, used to Give amazing highs...!
Tackling customers...going back to home...gifting plain white, cream colored linegrie to wife and her reacting as if it was a wedding night gift...kids Were rooted...the focus was on 'sanskaar'! Worldly things will come and go...
But now we live in a globalized world...we thought economics says, 2 plus 2 equals to four...but now just four is there...noone wants to know four requires some inputs as well...
Probably, new economy is helping people become 'intelligent' and enable the country to get modernized.
Dipti was right, I have become obsolete...!
“Ramu…… shut the shop....forever..!
Mr Parekh was walking back to the home...and he stopped midway...looking for victoria's secret gallery and nokia gallery..!
He was no more dejected...disappointed....he is obsolete now...
Yes, i, Ramu, watched this all...!
Mr.Parekh called up and enquired about the delivery.
"Arre saheb, parekh bol raha hoon!
Maal abhi tak deliver nahi hua..."
"Parekh saheb, pehle rokra iss baar..! Aapka khaata bahut din chal chuka...”
"Parekh replied...arre jignesh bhai...samjha karo...customer khade hai baahar...once i get the delivery, i wil clear all the dues!"
"No parekh, the big apple group has already paid for the entire commodity! It’s a six month advance! Ab kaha...udhaar khaata chalta hai...you can see it na, the Mode has changed! Advance payment, and you get the delivery! No running after traders! Time has changed parekh saheb!"
Parekh continued...”jignesh bhai, we have old relationship! It was never this way! Did I ever make you wait? Aapko saara amount mil jaata hai na?!"
Jignesh- "parekh bhai...I do understand, but time has changed! Its era of globalization! First you pay, and then you get the delivery! Relationship is at its own place! Business apni jagah! Sab badal gaya hai parekh bhai...”
"hello? Hello?"
The line was disconnected..!
I was watching all...parekh bhai's forehead was laden with sweats! I could see him pleading with all other options, the other traders...but none of them budged..!He tried to explain customers but all of them threatened to shift to other traders..!
He pleaded...he tried to explain...he asked for forgiveness...he asked for time...he reasoned them the years old relationship...
Nothing worked..!
He ordered me to close down the shutters!
And walked away...all dejected...dispointed...head hanging low...
I was watching it all...!
====================================================================
Mrs Parekh had just ordered kitchen items. The doorbell rang.
“Yes ma'm...please accept your stuff!”
The stuff comprised, vegetables, grains, daily use commodities! All from food bazaar!
Stuffs were all polished! Packaged! Having plastered price tag used over them! With the ever so enticing DISCOUNTS..! Up to 15 to 30 percent..!
In few of the things...even to the extent of 50 percent..!
The prospect was indeed salivating...if you take one kg of kohinoor basmati rice, it will cost you 50 rupees. But if you purchase three kgs, it will cost you just
89.99 rupees..!
Wow...a clear cut discount of 60 rupees.! Any house wife would give an eye for that!
Mr.parekh was watching it all!
"Dipti, dont you know, I was bringing the same rice for 25 rupees?
"Dekho ji, aap har baat mein kich-kich mat karo!?
It’s a different type of basmati rice! It has more shine, more taste and see the packaging! Packaging itself would have costed 10 rupees!"
Parekh tried to answer; the packaging costs not more than 30 paisa! But the smile which the delivery boy greeted with you definitely costed you almost 100 Rupees! I will bring the same rice next time, if you prefer it so much!
"Aap rehne do! Main bhi dekh chuki, aap kya kya laate ho..!"
And Mr Parekh walked away...all dejected...dispointed...head hanging low...
I was watching it all...!
===============================================================================================
Accha suno ji! How does this look? Maroon colored, laced lingerie!
Mr Parekh stood shocked!
“Since when you have started wearing this? “
She replied,” I watched it on Victoria’s secret show! There were so many fascinating designs, with different colors; different patterns and few were just wow..! Totally Transparent! They did cost a bomb! But then, I needed to flaunt it in the kitty party! Afterall, with changing times, we need to upgrade ourselves as well!
Afterall, with changing times, we need to upgrade ourselves as well! And It feels good to be aware of your own sexuality, even if demands to expose my cleavage a bit or just wearing transparent stuff!”
“Anyways, you won’t understand, you are oblivious to new world!
I wish I had a modern husband!
I am going to watch FTV 11 PM show...!”
Mr Parekh walked away to his bedroom...all dejected...dispointed...head hanging low...
I was watching it all..!
==========================================================================
Pinky shouted,……….. mom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What’s this? From where the hell did you bring this wheat? Chapatti tastes so yuckkkkk!!!
“Beta, it’s from, dad’s wheat mill!”
“I knew it! You are still cooking things from dad's antique museum?”
Mr Parekh intrrupted...pinky...beta...its home grown...of good quality..!
Listen dad! Chillax!
“I know what I like! And I know what’s the quality of your so called home grown, well cooked, well packaged, well delivered, and well prepared good quality stuff!
I can’t take this all! Mom...i am gonna have, some pizza and burger! You better Taste that old man and then you will find what service and quality is all about!
Come’ on give me some cash. I have run out of my credit card balance! And tell ramu to deposit cash in my account!”
Mr Parekh kept chewing the yuck chapatti...all dejected...dispointed...head hanging low...
I was watching it all..!
====================================================================
Sonu came rushing from his swanky motorbike!
"Dad.....!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Are you nuts? Mumma, why don’t you make him understand? I have a standing among my mates! They think, I am the son of a big time businessman!!
My foot! Why the hell did not you tell me, what stuff he gifted me on my birthday?
You know what’s it called?
Damn...!!
He gifted me a khaadi shirt???? Khaadiiiiii?? Can you believe that?
You realize how the guyz made fun of me??
Probably you don’t because dad never had any dress sense! But I needed clothes to suit my bike and gizmos!
I want to have new attire by evening!
And listen...i just saw this new N82!
Get that for me before any of my friends get a hand on it!”
Mr Parekh kept reading newspaper...with an eye on his old cell phone........all dejected...dispointed...head hanging low...
I was watching it all..!
==================================================================
MR PAREKH...we are sorry...! The supply has all dried up...even if you in pay in advance, the delivery have been booked for next 8 months! We have received amazing Prices for it!
Though, being a friend I will suggest you! Better shift to some other business! Shut it down! Or just take a franchise for any of the big retail boy! They are Bigger than you...! When surrendering your ownership can make you more prosper, whats the need of being your own owner..!?
Afterall, paisa bolta hai sarkar...!”
Mr parekh kept mum with a wry smile....all dejected...dispointed..Head hanging low...
I was watching it all..!
=============================================================
Those were the days...traders and farmers sitting together...making deals...the business ran on trust, credit and co-operation...the sound of Seth ji, used to Give amazing highs...!
Tackling customers...going back to home...gifting plain white, cream colored linegrie to wife and her reacting as if it was a wedding night gift...kids Were rooted...the focus was on 'sanskaar'! Worldly things will come and go...
But now we live in a globalized world...we thought economics says, 2 plus 2 equals to four...but now just four is there...noone wants to know four requires some inputs as well...
Probably, new economy is helping people become 'intelligent' and enable the country to get modernized.
Dipti was right, I have become obsolete...!
“Ramu…… shut the shop....forever..!
Mr Parekh was walking back to the home...and he stopped midway...looking for victoria's secret gallery and nokia gallery..!
He was no more dejected...disappointed....he is obsolete now...
Yes, i, Ramu, watched this all...!
White Stick
Hi,
Greetings,
Its not so quiet evening, with kids running here and there in the middle of the busy streets. I was lying still. Body was not moving but thoughts were moving at the speed of....well...as only thoughts can! Wondering about my existence! My purpose! My contribution! It has taken a complete civilization to understand my own self!
I have been subject to numerous researchs, experiments and criticism! So, that at least keeps me constantly in news! I have never shied away from the attention I have been getting! A complete privilege, indeed!
But, then, half of the world feasts on me and other half is hell bent on destroying me. Even those who love me, blame me for all the troubles. I wonder, why? I have always been loyal. A delight. A soother. Then why they want to eradicate me for mistakes, which were never intentional on my part. I have been used, misused. But I have also been customised, decorated, provided with best of care, ultimately to sacrifice myself!
Have you seen how people care about sacrificial lamb? They feed him, nourish him, and keep him healthy. All this is done, just to consume him, finally.
Writers have written books on me! Compared me with all the sins and pleasures!
But am I more harmful than other eternal favourites of writers?
They talk about females! Descendents of Venus! True. They are. Fascinating. Intelligentsia fantasises about female beauty! Their anatomy! But think of me! Am I less beautiful? I think I am exquisite. World is crazy after triple headed beast of 36-24-36! A rare occurrence yet, admired, craved to no end! Even if one of the measures is not balanced, it takes a complete lifetime to get them in shape! Women deceive themselves on account of these number games! And Men are made to deceive under this numerological trap!
Whereas, i, always slim, well proportionate! No issue of fat, diet, out of shape! Whatever you put inside me, I am containing it. I don’t even increase men's perennial confusion! How many men are sure about what whether they would prefer, Angelina jolie's lips or Meg Ryan’s? Whereas, I will always come ever so smoothly on your lips! No tantrums! Just kiss me softly, and I will please you until my last breath.
One of my masters says, girls are cruel and I could not agree more.
You never need to make any extensive preparation for me, no apprehensions, no fear of cruel reactions, no ego, no oversmartness, and no petrified emotions!
Trust me!
So often, they talk about love and beloved ones. Illusive love! Understanding between two fools or plain need based compromise or best way to deceive yourself or just something beyond an ordinary human's realm of definiton!? What’s common between me and love? We both are addictive! We both finally die! But that is it.
I am better than love. Think, how?
Love burns your being, your emotions and finally you! Whereas I burn myself to please you. I destroy myself to calm your nerves.ok; you can blame me for harming
You as well! But then, by the time I harm you, didnt you had unlimited pleasure? Didn’t I ease the pressure on your semantic sensory feelings? You completely used me, misused me, and behaved as you wanted. I never protested. Now think about love? One night of immense pleasure and two nights of tears. Love makes you anxious; woried, craving, desperate and I provide the solution for all these. If I affect in the final analysis then love also does that! You can cure my affect but can you ever cure love's after effect? If I am hazardous physically, love does it on emotional and mental plane!
Physically you can recover, emotionally ...well....! ?
You don’t trust me? Ok, take this famous comment, "I thought I couldn't afford to take her out and smoke as well. So I gave up fag. Then I took her out and one day I looked at her and thought: "Oh well," and I went back to breathing fire again, and that was better"!
See, Even great minds justify my usefulness.
Do think honestly. Think rationally. I may be bad but better than bigger vices of girls and love.
Take my artistic worth! Many writers have produced their work based on my shape! I can be circular, weirdly shaped and more so even shapeless! Lovers try to create faces of their beloved in my shape or rather shapelessness! Watching my smoke coming out of 84 MM length reminds you of watching a girl dance out of her dress. I have even received many compliments. One which truly honours me is, by Gulzar-
"Itna lamba kash lo yaar ki dum nikal jaaye,
Zindagi sulgaaye yaaro gam nikal jaaye!"
Now that’s some compliment. Though, my feet are firmly established in ‘plants’.
Always available at you fingertips, my serene white colour contains a sweet elixir. I carry it and kill myself slowly just for the sake of two legged animals. While kissing me, keep silent and think of fire in your mind and heart.afterall, world is nothing but a jumbled collection of wind and smoke.
Well, you can try to leave me but think of the missing factor.
You will feel fit. Suicidal but fit.
You will feel different. Slightly irritable, moody, deprssed but you will feel different.
Lungs will be fine, but mouth will be aching to suck me. But lungs will be fine.
Now I will take your leave. My master is craving for me! And it feels good to be kissed by him.
Breathe my fire, fuel your desire and let the life burn itself as destined!
Sometimes, you don’t feel like living unless you are killing yourself.
P.S- Smoking is injurious to health.
Adios.
Faithfully yours...
White stick.
Greetings,
Its not so quiet evening, with kids running here and there in the middle of the busy streets. I was lying still. Body was not moving but thoughts were moving at the speed of....well...as only thoughts can! Wondering about my existence! My purpose! My contribution! It has taken a complete civilization to understand my own self!
I have been subject to numerous researchs, experiments and criticism! So, that at least keeps me constantly in news! I have never shied away from the attention I have been getting! A complete privilege, indeed!
But, then, half of the world feasts on me and other half is hell bent on destroying me. Even those who love me, blame me for all the troubles. I wonder, why? I have always been loyal. A delight. A soother. Then why they want to eradicate me for mistakes, which were never intentional on my part. I have been used, misused. But I have also been customised, decorated, provided with best of care, ultimately to sacrifice myself!
Have you seen how people care about sacrificial lamb? They feed him, nourish him, and keep him healthy. All this is done, just to consume him, finally.
Writers have written books on me! Compared me with all the sins and pleasures!
But am I more harmful than other eternal favourites of writers?
They talk about females! Descendents of Venus! True. They are. Fascinating. Intelligentsia fantasises about female beauty! Their anatomy! But think of me! Am I less beautiful? I think I am exquisite. World is crazy after triple headed beast of 36-24-36! A rare occurrence yet, admired, craved to no end! Even if one of the measures is not balanced, it takes a complete lifetime to get them in shape! Women deceive themselves on account of these number games! And Men are made to deceive under this numerological trap!
Whereas, i, always slim, well proportionate! No issue of fat, diet, out of shape! Whatever you put inside me, I am containing it. I don’t even increase men's perennial confusion! How many men are sure about what whether they would prefer, Angelina jolie's lips or Meg Ryan’s? Whereas, I will always come ever so smoothly on your lips! No tantrums! Just kiss me softly, and I will please you until my last breath.
One of my masters says, girls are cruel and I could not agree more.
You never need to make any extensive preparation for me, no apprehensions, no fear of cruel reactions, no ego, no oversmartness, and no petrified emotions!
Trust me!
So often, they talk about love and beloved ones. Illusive love! Understanding between two fools or plain need based compromise or best way to deceive yourself or just something beyond an ordinary human's realm of definiton!? What’s common between me and love? We both are addictive! We both finally die! But that is it.
I am better than love. Think, how?
Love burns your being, your emotions and finally you! Whereas I burn myself to please you. I destroy myself to calm your nerves.ok; you can blame me for harming
You as well! But then, by the time I harm you, didnt you had unlimited pleasure? Didn’t I ease the pressure on your semantic sensory feelings? You completely used me, misused me, and behaved as you wanted. I never protested. Now think about love? One night of immense pleasure and two nights of tears. Love makes you anxious; woried, craving, desperate and I provide the solution for all these. If I affect in the final analysis then love also does that! You can cure my affect but can you ever cure love's after effect? If I am hazardous physically, love does it on emotional and mental plane!
Physically you can recover, emotionally ...well....! ?
You don’t trust me? Ok, take this famous comment, "I thought I couldn't afford to take her out and smoke as well. So I gave up fag. Then I took her out and one day I looked at her and thought: "Oh well," and I went back to breathing fire again, and that was better"!
See, Even great minds justify my usefulness.
Do think honestly. Think rationally. I may be bad but better than bigger vices of girls and love.
Take my artistic worth! Many writers have produced their work based on my shape! I can be circular, weirdly shaped and more so even shapeless! Lovers try to create faces of their beloved in my shape or rather shapelessness! Watching my smoke coming out of 84 MM length reminds you of watching a girl dance out of her dress. I have even received many compliments. One which truly honours me is, by Gulzar-
"Itna lamba kash lo yaar ki dum nikal jaaye,
Zindagi sulgaaye yaaro gam nikal jaaye!"
Now that’s some compliment. Though, my feet are firmly established in ‘plants’.
Always available at you fingertips, my serene white colour contains a sweet elixir. I carry it and kill myself slowly just for the sake of two legged animals. While kissing me, keep silent and think of fire in your mind and heart.afterall, world is nothing but a jumbled collection of wind and smoke.
Well, you can try to leave me but think of the missing factor.
You will feel fit. Suicidal but fit.
You will feel different. Slightly irritable, moody, deprssed but you will feel different.
Lungs will be fine, but mouth will be aching to suck me. But lungs will be fine.
Now I will take your leave. My master is craving for me! And it feels good to be kissed by him.
Breathe my fire, fuel your desire and let the life burn itself as destined!
Sometimes, you don’t feel like living unless you are killing yourself.
P.S- Smoking is injurious to health.
Adios.
Faithfully yours...
White stick.
Jigsaw Memoirs -5(The End)
That was the only mistake I committed. Because I knew my mistakes could slowly fuel my mental destruction, and will eventually leave me with nothing.
But soon enough, I made the top echelons forget that episode with my subsequent performances. With time flying by, my targets kept on being more specific and elite! Politicians, business tycoons, famous celebrities kept on adding themselves to my victim lists.
It was a high seeing fears on these faces in their times of reckoning! Those very public faces always belied a fake confidence and self-belief which actually stood naked when they faced death. In the privacy of their bedrooms, there always was nervousness, tension, fear of losing it all and 'will it last long' Question hanging from their bitter faces!
It used to be an ecstatic feeling finding their destiny in my hands! One push of my finger, and they are gone!
I swear, I could not have traded this power with any other thing in my life!
The power of controlling others destiny and the power of being able to be a slave to Amanda!
===========================================================================
We just completed two years living together! We colored the world with the hues of our passion! We could not have enough of each other! Our love makings never needed any aphrodisiac.
When I found shades of meek mermaid, I nurtured her. Holding her in my arms as if this is all she needed. When I found her rousing Lioness streak, I surrendered...
Waiting to be burnt in her burning desires!
Waiting to be a victim of her claws!
Waiting to be lost in the maze of her never ending tresses!
Waiting to be scratched from her shining nose ring!
Whenever I found her teeth in my neck, it was a feeling of all of my pains being sucked away!
It was a stress reliever seeing many mischiefs dancing on her little nose!
Her expertise in household affairs did not leave me with any scope of even a single complaint!
Her temper, was little volatile but when you are in love; you embrace that anger because you find it an added attraction!
Don’t we love "despite" instead of "because"?
One of those unending nights,
Amanda, am I a stupid mortal trying to mark my place in the world?
Or am I a lost Fool trying to find my place in the world?
Or am I a twisted Monster dreaming for happiness in my hollow world?
Won’t you please judge me fairly as I am trying to bring forth my dreams to reality...!!
she took my head in her lap and almost whispered, Let the world break you down as if you care, you have got nothing more to lose, like shattered glass!
Fly into those Pieces you are already torn and you know what, there’s a way to shine, if there's a will! And you have plenty of them...you always say, you tend to hide in your dreams, so I tell you 'not to sleep'...just keep loving me...!
She never questioned my frequent night absence! She did not feel like asking and I did not feel like explaining!
Though, lately, whenever we made love, somehow, i started having uneasy vibes of her body not following her soul! The rhythm of her skin was not in sync with mine! I glanced at her and her eyes said nothing!
=======================================================================
It was her desire of having a baby! I was not comfortable with the idea but did not resist either! I was sceptical about my own ability of being a good Father...she understood it and assured me!
People say that life screws us all....well, I just thought! You know what, Daniel? I think its time to grab a hold of life, bend it over and say: "Alright Life...now it’s your turn...! What the heck..!
Who knows, probably my not having a good childhood would have resulted into my turning into a good father!
And when I held little Meryl for the first time in my trembling hands, I realized what I would have missed! The joy was beyond my existence!
I had never cried so much! I had never cared so much!
Destiny had just changed! I had just become father! A proud father...
I love you Amanda!
===========================================================================
And in my profession...i was just promoted...Meryl had brought me luck...rather than being a mere pawn, i was incorporated in the decision making hierarchy!
Now I could order instead of executing them! I had to study, analyze and strategise about our targets! Though, supposedly, i became more powerful, I started Going restless! I was itching for action..!
The sight of blood...the sound of bang bang! And finally, my eternal aphrodisiac, 'power'! I was missing that power..!
Though, number of killings had decreased! We were firmly established as the instigator of fear factor! Frequent killings had given way to short calls!
Wanting to have a pie of this lucrative industry, new sharks had started rearing their heads! Time had come....action was about to begin!
==========================================================================
What makes one stop loving? What makes one's love for his soul mate reduce?
Loyalty?
Boredom?
Or just a forceful wave of emotions for someone else?
Did I err? Or I failed to revitalise the already rejuvenated relation?
I never got any warning! I never saw it coming! Love makes you take things granted! But then, girls are ruthless and love is barbaric!
More so a lady is like a secret about a secret. The more it tells you, the less you know...
=========================================================================
For one month, I remained thoroughly engrossed in my work! I forgot Amanda, I forgot Meryl! It was time to pay back to my calling! It was time to pay for my Things which had given me, identity, power, dignity and sense of being alive! The sharks had to be tackled in the best way possible!
Elimination was the only word, doing the rounds!
How, why, where? That’s all I had to decide!
I was given a free hand! And brutality was unleashed! I did not hear bang bang for a month!
All I heard was, it’s done!
One more done!
One more gone!
Clear!
....finally...the ruthless efficiency reined! A job well done..!
And one fine day, chief told me, how good you look when dressed in rage. Your enemies are rather fortunate that your condition is not permanent. And you're Lucky too because Red eyes suit so few...I instantly knew, I was ready for even bigger roles!
The only regret was...not being in the arena...performing actions...!
==========================================================================
And when I came back....on the onset of Christmas...
I did not know, Santa Clause had brought me this gift..!
Somebody woke up on the wrong side of the... universe that day...
Few anonymous calls!
Amanda not so willing to make love!
Probably, PMS...
Probably...post pregnancy syndrome...
Probably mood swings...temper...
But how long?
Bolted door and hours long whispers!
"What’s wrong"?
"I do have a personal life and I don’t really feel like welcoming any questions!"
Ok...i will wait...
I did...days...weeks...
"Why don’t you just kill me with the love you won't give to me and fill the wound with salt....? I want to feel it bleed...bleed profusely...
I continued...
"Why don’t you just share, what it is?.."
"I wouldn’t prefer to explain it! I think, every relationship comes up with an expiry period! The other guy fascinates me even more! Call it love or whatever!
Though, I still care for you...!"
When lightening strikes you, normally you are not alive to feel it..!
I did...was I shattered? Broken? Or completely numb?...let me find another metaphor..!
"No other reasons?" I murmured...
"Not at all...isnt it all very natural? We never had any promises. We did not even marry...! I just got bored honey!"
Fair enough...
Trap of emotions..!
I hate these tears! They always have to come out in most inappropriate moments! They love to disclose your heart condition! They love to make your already Shattered heart appears even more fragile! In those times, they work for the ones who broke you! These tears are the ultimate ditcher..!
The regret of not being in the arena...not performing my perfected actions started resurfacing...!
I looked at sleeping Meryl..! Don’t worry angel..! I will be guarding you..!
===========================================================================================
Amanda was looking beautiful...! Her closed eyes yet again, revealed nothing! The marvel statue glistened even more! Not a single flow..!
The bosom still felt Alive as if the heart inside wouldn’t want to stay away from those perfectly carved curves! The cloud of black tresses were swimming in the red liquid flowing Underneath her...I touched her face...red colour suited her...it symbolized her passion...love...spirit...
And it just completed the picture...the art...!
I kept on holding her...didnt I want this all my life? Didn’t she want this always?
Target had to be her heart..! That’s the place I belonged to...
Just two shot...
"I love you Amanda...more than ever before...
And I love you more than you do..!" and I kissed her goodbye...! A kiss of death!
=======================================================================
I was back to my farm...lying down on the soil...feeling the dead body of my unwed wife, which was nourishing the corn on the tilled land and corn had just Started Growing...it’s a green burial and a sight to behold...yes, she is buried beneath...even after her death. I can still feel her...
I religiously keep a bunch of white roses for her...it was supposed to be her job but nevertheless, I am performing it...
I wish you were happy... that's all...
Sometimes I just tear my heart open but I sew myself shut. Probably my weakness was that I cared too much. And my scars keep on reminding me that the past is More than real. I just tear my heart open, only to feel. Probably you've had enough of it all, but then, you left me here to wait!
And I, all over again started feeling the rustic mix of red blood and black emotions...
Until.....
"Father, where are you?..Its getting dark....wont you come back...?!!"
But soon enough, I made the top echelons forget that episode with my subsequent performances. With time flying by, my targets kept on being more specific and elite! Politicians, business tycoons, famous celebrities kept on adding themselves to my victim lists.
It was a high seeing fears on these faces in their times of reckoning! Those very public faces always belied a fake confidence and self-belief which actually stood naked when they faced death. In the privacy of their bedrooms, there always was nervousness, tension, fear of losing it all and 'will it last long' Question hanging from their bitter faces!
It used to be an ecstatic feeling finding their destiny in my hands! One push of my finger, and they are gone!
I swear, I could not have traded this power with any other thing in my life!
The power of controlling others destiny and the power of being able to be a slave to Amanda!
===========================================================================
We just completed two years living together! We colored the world with the hues of our passion! We could not have enough of each other! Our love makings never needed any aphrodisiac.
When I found shades of meek mermaid, I nurtured her. Holding her in my arms as if this is all she needed. When I found her rousing Lioness streak, I surrendered...
Waiting to be burnt in her burning desires!
Waiting to be a victim of her claws!
Waiting to be lost in the maze of her never ending tresses!
Waiting to be scratched from her shining nose ring!
Whenever I found her teeth in my neck, it was a feeling of all of my pains being sucked away!
It was a stress reliever seeing many mischiefs dancing on her little nose!
Her expertise in household affairs did not leave me with any scope of even a single complaint!
Her temper, was little volatile but when you are in love; you embrace that anger because you find it an added attraction!
Don’t we love "despite" instead of "because"?
One of those unending nights,
Amanda, am I a stupid mortal trying to mark my place in the world?
Or am I a lost Fool trying to find my place in the world?
Or am I a twisted Monster dreaming for happiness in my hollow world?
Won’t you please judge me fairly as I am trying to bring forth my dreams to reality...!!
she took my head in her lap and almost whispered, Let the world break you down as if you care, you have got nothing more to lose, like shattered glass!
Fly into those Pieces you are already torn and you know what, there’s a way to shine, if there's a will! And you have plenty of them...you always say, you tend to hide in your dreams, so I tell you 'not to sleep'...just keep loving me...!
She never questioned my frequent night absence! She did not feel like asking and I did not feel like explaining!
Though, lately, whenever we made love, somehow, i started having uneasy vibes of her body not following her soul! The rhythm of her skin was not in sync with mine! I glanced at her and her eyes said nothing!
=======================================================================
It was her desire of having a baby! I was not comfortable with the idea but did not resist either! I was sceptical about my own ability of being a good Father...she understood it and assured me!
People say that life screws us all....well, I just thought! You know what, Daniel? I think its time to grab a hold of life, bend it over and say: "Alright Life...now it’s your turn...! What the heck..!
Who knows, probably my not having a good childhood would have resulted into my turning into a good father!
And when I held little Meryl for the first time in my trembling hands, I realized what I would have missed! The joy was beyond my existence!
I had never cried so much! I had never cared so much!
Destiny had just changed! I had just become father! A proud father...
I love you Amanda!
===========================================================================
And in my profession...i was just promoted...Meryl had brought me luck...rather than being a mere pawn, i was incorporated in the decision making hierarchy!
Now I could order instead of executing them! I had to study, analyze and strategise about our targets! Though, supposedly, i became more powerful, I started Going restless! I was itching for action..!
The sight of blood...the sound of bang bang! And finally, my eternal aphrodisiac, 'power'! I was missing that power..!
Though, number of killings had decreased! We were firmly established as the instigator of fear factor! Frequent killings had given way to short calls!
Wanting to have a pie of this lucrative industry, new sharks had started rearing their heads! Time had come....action was about to begin!
==========================================================================
What makes one stop loving? What makes one's love for his soul mate reduce?
Loyalty?
Boredom?
Or just a forceful wave of emotions for someone else?
Did I err? Or I failed to revitalise the already rejuvenated relation?
I never got any warning! I never saw it coming! Love makes you take things granted! But then, girls are ruthless and love is barbaric!
More so a lady is like a secret about a secret. The more it tells you, the less you know...
=========================================================================
For one month, I remained thoroughly engrossed in my work! I forgot Amanda, I forgot Meryl! It was time to pay back to my calling! It was time to pay for my Things which had given me, identity, power, dignity and sense of being alive! The sharks had to be tackled in the best way possible!
Elimination was the only word, doing the rounds!
How, why, where? That’s all I had to decide!
I was given a free hand! And brutality was unleashed! I did not hear bang bang for a month!
All I heard was, it’s done!
One more done!
One more gone!
Clear!
....finally...the ruthless efficiency reined! A job well done..!
And one fine day, chief told me, how good you look when dressed in rage. Your enemies are rather fortunate that your condition is not permanent. And you're Lucky too because Red eyes suit so few...I instantly knew, I was ready for even bigger roles!
The only regret was...not being in the arena...performing actions...!
==========================================================================
And when I came back....on the onset of Christmas...
I did not know, Santa Clause had brought me this gift..!
Somebody woke up on the wrong side of the... universe that day...
Few anonymous calls!
Amanda not so willing to make love!
Probably, PMS...
Probably...post pregnancy syndrome...
Probably mood swings...temper...
But how long?
Bolted door and hours long whispers!
"What’s wrong"?
"I do have a personal life and I don’t really feel like welcoming any questions!"
Ok...i will wait...
I did...days...weeks...
"Why don’t you just kill me with the love you won't give to me and fill the wound with salt....? I want to feel it bleed...bleed profusely...
I continued...
"Why don’t you just share, what it is?.."
"I wouldn’t prefer to explain it! I think, every relationship comes up with an expiry period! The other guy fascinates me even more! Call it love or whatever!
Though, I still care for you...!"
When lightening strikes you, normally you are not alive to feel it..!
I did...was I shattered? Broken? Or completely numb?...let me find another metaphor..!
"No other reasons?" I murmured...
"Not at all...isnt it all very natural? We never had any promises. We did not even marry...! I just got bored honey!"
Fair enough...
Trap of emotions..!
I hate these tears! They always have to come out in most inappropriate moments! They love to disclose your heart condition! They love to make your already Shattered heart appears even more fragile! In those times, they work for the ones who broke you! These tears are the ultimate ditcher..!
The regret of not being in the arena...not performing my perfected actions started resurfacing...!
I looked at sleeping Meryl..! Don’t worry angel..! I will be guarding you..!
===========================================================================================
Amanda was looking beautiful...! Her closed eyes yet again, revealed nothing! The marvel statue glistened even more! Not a single flow..!
The bosom still felt Alive as if the heart inside wouldn’t want to stay away from those perfectly carved curves! The cloud of black tresses were swimming in the red liquid flowing Underneath her...I touched her face...red colour suited her...it symbolized her passion...love...spirit...
And it just completed the picture...the art...!
I kept on holding her...didnt I want this all my life? Didn’t she want this always?
Target had to be her heart..! That’s the place I belonged to...
Just two shot...
"I love you Amanda...more than ever before...
And I love you more than you do..!" and I kissed her goodbye...! A kiss of death!
=======================================================================
I was back to my farm...lying down on the soil...feeling the dead body of my unwed wife, which was nourishing the corn on the tilled land and corn had just Started Growing...it’s a green burial and a sight to behold...yes, she is buried beneath...even after her death. I can still feel her...
I religiously keep a bunch of white roses for her...it was supposed to be her job but nevertheless, I am performing it...
I wish you were happy... that's all...
Sometimes I just tear my heart open but I sew myself shut. Probably my weakness was that I cared too much. And my scars keep on reminding me that the past is More than real. I just tear my heart open, only to feel. Probably you've had enough of it all, but then, you left me here to wait!
And I, all over again started feeling the rustic mix of red blood and black emotions...
Until.....
"Father, where are you?..Its getting dark....wont you come back...?!!"
Jigsaw Memoirs- 4
Slowly I started gathering reputation in my work. No-nonsense attitude, hundred percent track records was taking me to new highs. My evolution was faster than the light. Nothing in the whole universe could keep up with my evolution.
I spoke less and thought more.
In this world, having friends amounted to nurturing potential rivals. So, I had none. I was not into daily affairs of the organization. Even we had hierarchy and Departments. Being a sniper was a tough job but extremely enjoyable and satisfying. One needed to be accurate with a non-wavering concentration. There were few More like me and depending upon the timing, locality and expertise we were assigned our respective tasks.
May the demons of invisible inspiration flow through my veins endlessly...it was a pleasure touching the blood of different humans, once they were dead...
At times I wondered, if I am cut in two pieces, instaed of blood oozing out, pieces of that metallic beauty would come out with a sound of bang bang...! Wouldn’t that be a right dedication to the profession I love?!
I was living a double life. I chose arts as my subject because it fascinated me to no end.infact; art and killing were almost similar. Both have no methods, no Logics behind it. But both possess an inherent beauty. One could just feel it. It comes from inside. When one kilss, it kind of paints a beautiful picture. Instead of brush and colors, one uses metallic beauty and blood. And the end product is almost similar.
One always feels, it could have been slightly better. A Bit more refined, a bit more contrast, and few more drops of blood. Now it appears wonderful!
A job well done, finally!
She held my hands and clutched it hard. I felt a lump in my throat. A craving, desire and an eternal wish of losing myself to someone, to Amanda! Her eyes said nothing!
I felt like saying nothing! It was complete dark with few streetlights devouring it of complete dominance. We sat in the garden firmly holding each other’s hand. I felt a touch of her beautiful bosom. She did not react and I kissed on her cheeks.
Goosebumps!
She should have kissed me back...!
She should have refused me!?
Just a silent smile and her whisper followed..."Give me something good to die for... To make it beautiful to live"!
And Mother Nature witnessed a beautiful amalgamation of two broken, thirsty souls...
Her body was carved like marble statues...smooth as silk...not a single flaw…
Eyes started speaking...
“I love you Amanda..! “
It was hard to differentiate between her divine anatomy and purity of dewdrops scattered on surface! Which one was more pure!
The winter fog had given way to summer heat and in a moment of bliss, I had found elixir! I just had an encounter with divine...
I was witnessing a grand scenario of her true self...a placid, calm lake giving way to fiery furnace...one was making me swim and the other was burning me...I Could never decipher which one I enjoyed more...
"I love you even more Amanda...!"
"Daniel, My soul is old but my body is new, you and I are forever eternal, all I have to do is find you. Can you find me as well?"
I needed not to answer...i trusted her to understand from my silence...there was no one else to be trusted...
I could feel her tears rolling out from those magical eyes! It was tears of ecstasy!
I don’t remember how long it lasted but when it did, I felt as if it has just started...
She murmured...What is essential is invisible to the eye...our love...we both are angels with only one wing and we can only fly by embracing each other..
"Daniel, I love you more than you do..."
"I wish..!I just wished...!"
I did not realize that I was falling in trap...a trap of emotions...which further leads to expectation..!
Right through my years, I was this guy with controlled measures...emotions make you more humane but then it also makes you vulnerable to failure..!
No wonder, I was living a beautiful dream...
But, now I had started feeling...emoting...expressing...day dreaming...wanting to have her company all day through...
Meet her...see her...feel her...touch her...smell her...and what not?!
But there was no escape route...!
==========================================================================
"O death, come away, come away!
And in sad world of mine, let me be laid..."
My mother was wailing...i passed through her room...and after years...i heard her voice...!
"Why are you alive?"...
Don’t you get tired of seeing me?
You are worst than our father...!"
She continued for almost an hour...i started feeling a surge of rushing blood in my veins...
I was used to her hateful stares...and it never affected me...
But today everything seemed changed..!
I was living an out of the world experince...my professional life is going good...I am rapidly climbing the hierarchical stairs...
I am in love...
Now everything needs to be perfect..!
I don’t have any idea, where those two melodious sounds of bang bang came from!
"Sound of bang bang...it was a real turn on for me..!"
I had no desire to kill my biological mother..!But I just did...with same precision...and single minded-ness!
But why did not she get tired of hating me!?
Why did not she notice, what you take doesn’t kills you
But she should have been careful about what she was giving!
Her hatred healed me for long..!..Thanks,mother!
I kept her head in my lap for hours...!
Outside, stars were falling like tears from the past!..But let’s keep singing...
"O death, come away, come away!
And in sad world of mine, let me be laid..."
Amen...
"I love you mother...."
Life remained unchanged...and love kept on increasing...to the extent of addiction...
But then, love is always an addiction...you can’t have enough of your beloved..!
Our mornings used to start by calling each other...our nights culminated by calling again...sweet nothings..teasing..understanding..sharing..caring...and finally falling asleep...
We had no choice...so, soon, I and Amanda were shifting together...the distance was getting unbearable...
In between, I committed my first mistake of not finishing a target along with his family...! I spared target's kid...
"Trap of emotions..."
I spoke less and thought more.
In this world, having friends amounted to nurturing potential rivals. So, I had none. I was not into daily affairs of the organization. Even we had hierarchy and Departments. Being a sniper was a tough job but extremely enjoyable and satisfying. One needed to be accurate with a non-wavering concentration. There were few More like me and depending upon the timing, locality and expertise we were assigned our respective tasks.
May the demons of invisible inspiration flow through my veins endlessly...it was a pleasure touching the blood of different humans, once they were dead...
At times I wondered, if I am cut in two pieces, instaed of blood oozing out, pieces of that metallic beauty would come out with a sound of bang bang...! Wouldn’t that be a right dedication to the profession I love?!
I was living a double life. I chose arts as my subject because it fascinated me to no end.infact; art and killing were almost similar. Both have no methods, no Logics behind it. But both possess an inherent beauty. One could just feel it. It comes from inside. When one kilss, it kind of paints a beautiful picture. Instead of brush and colors, one uses metallic beauty and blood. And the end product is almost similar.
One always feels, it could have been slightly better. A Bit more refined, a bit more contrast, and few more drops of blood. Now it appears wonderful!
A job well done, finally!
She held my hands and clutched it hard. I felt a lump in my throat. A craving, desire and an eternal wish of losing myself to someone, to Amanda! Her eyes said nothing!
I felt like saying nothing! It was complete dark with few streetlights devouring it of complete dominance. We sat in the garden firmly holding each other’s hand. I felt a touch of her beautiful bosom. She did not react and I kissed on her cheeks.
Goosebumps!
She should have kissed me back...!
She should have refused me!?
Just a silent smile and her whisper followed..."Give me something good to die for... To make it beautiful to live"!
And Mother Nature witnessed a beautiful amalgamation of two broken, thirsty souls...
Her body was carved like marble statues...smooth as silk...not a single flaw…
Eyes started speaking...
“I love you Amanda..! “
It was hard to differentiate between her divine anatomy and purity of dewdrops scattered on surface! Which one was more pure!
The winter fog had given way to summer heat and in a moment of bliss, I had found elixir! I just had an encounter with divine...
I was witnessing a grand scenario of her true self...a placid, calm lake giving way to fiery furnace...one was making me swim and the other was burning me...I Could never decipher which one I enjoyed more...
"I love you even more Amanda...!"
"Daniel, My soul is old but my body is new, you and I are forever eternal, all I have to do is find you. Can you find me as well?"
I needed not to answer...i trusted her to understand from my silence...there was no one else to be trusted...
I could feel her tears rolling out from those magical eyes! It was tears of ecstasy!
I don’t remember how long it lasted but when it did, I felt as if it has just started...
She murmured...What is essential is invisible to the eye...our love...we both are angels with only one wing and we can only fly by embracing each other..
"Daniel, I love you more than you do..."
"I wish..!I just wished...!"
I did not realize that I was falling in trap...a trap of emotions...which further leads to expectation..!
Right through my years, I was this guy with controlled measures...emotions make you more humane but then it also makes you vulnerable to failure..!
No wonder, I was living a beautiful dream...
But, now I had started feeling...emoting...expressing...day dreaming...wanting to have her company all day through...
Meet her...see her...feel her...touch her...smell her...and what not?!
But there was no escape route...!
==========================================================================
"O death, come away, come away!
And in sad world of mine, let me be laid..."
My mother was wailing...i passed through her room...and after years...i heard her voice...!
"Why are you alive?"...
Don’t you get tired of seeing me?
You are worst than our father...!"
She continued for almost an hour...i started feeling a surge of rushing blood in my veins...
I was used to her hateful stares...and it never affected me...
But today everything seemed changed..!
I was living an out of the world experince...my professional life is going good...I am rapidly climbing the hierarchical stairs...
I am in love...
Now everything needs to be perfect..!
I don’t have any idea, where those two melodious sounds of bang bang came from!
"Sound of bang bang...it was a real turn on for me..!"
I had no desire to kill my biological mother..!But I just did...with same precision...and single minded-ness!
But why did not she get tired of hating me!?
Why did not she notice, what you take doesn’t kills you
But she should have been careful about what she was giving!
Her hatred healed me for long..!..Thanks,mother!
I kept her head in my lap for hours...!
Outside, stars were falling like tears from the past!..But let’s keep singing...
"O death, come away, come away!
And in sad world of mine, let me be laid..."
Amen...
"I love you mother...."
Life remained unchanged...and love kept on increasing...to the extent of addiction...
But then, love is always an addiction...you can’t have enough of your beloved..!
Our mornings used to start by calling each other...our nights culminated by calling again...sweet nothings..teasing..understanding..sharing..caring...and finally falling asleep...
We had no choice...so, soon, I and Amanda were shifting together...the distance was getting unbearable...
In between, I committed my first mistake of not finishing a target along with his family...! I spared target's kid...
"Trap of emotions..."
Jigsaw Memoirs- 3
My work demanded me to have a dual personality, keeping a facade of no-nonsense attitude! And I felt I was doing a good job.
I was good at academics but there was this other side of mine which relished dark world...dark imagination, dark fantasies, dark real simulation!
I guess, I drew my inspiration from a story where protagonist lives a normal life during day time and as soon as clock turned 12 at midnight, he started having
This werewolf characteristic! A dual personality of man and beast!
I feel, a man is incomplete without beasts. In an imaginary world, if all beasts are gone, man would be deprived of solidarity of spirit! We humans always tend
To follow whatever happens to beasts.
I was just aware of this fact and did not want to go against the cycle of nature.
I don’t have even remotest idea, how does it feel to have a happy childhood..!
Guys used to bully me in school. They always mistook my silence as arrogance and repulse. Slowly I learned to tackle them. I joined them and thus opened door to unexplored world...inside the door, there was blood, courage, mystique and a great feeling akin of being atop mountains of macabre!
====================================================================================
Amanda and I were playing the game...i knew, though reluctantly, that i had fallen for her!
I was not sure how to approach her! I could not take a "No" from her, though she would not have said so!
On one hand I was apprehensive about my true identity and on the other hand I wanted to unleash my dormant passion.
Whenever I looked at her, I felt like holding her and planting the most passionate kiss humankind had ever witnessed!
And her eyes?! Well, they tried to show nothing! Yes, they tried....
The difference between a man and woman's in matters of heart is, a man would confess as soon as he can whereas a woman would prolong it as long as possible!
Unfortunately, this time, both were on the same side!
Finally, one sunny evening, lady luck smiled! Our eyes met and a silent greeting nod followed!
Few more good mornings...then few more smiles...and then language of eyes started changing!
College cafeteria...”two espresso!”
“No, one black coffee please!”
While offering her chair, I felt a sharp intake of breath and I had never witnessed something that gorgeous!
It must be her breath...
Clinical psychology was my profession but to girls, this subject comes when they are in womb.
And every time, I felt I was being dissected! Harder than previous time...
Perhaps it's time for me to stop being a whisperer and start being a Screamer!
================================================================
My first role in a crime was of a mute witness!
I watched in silence as others performed the job.
Blood in my veins were speeding my fear to the throat...my heart was pounding and bells were beating....it was midnight!
And I could not sleep for many nights!
I realized I still have a conscience...which was laden with cruel and vague imprints of time...
But it’s better to be scarred than average! Your life starts finding purpose...one just needs to let loose of it...
Time had come to perform my first job under the supervision of my seniors...
Instructions were simple...
I was handed this metallic beauty! It was chilling cold and heavy. And all of a sudden I felt responsible, grown up and a Man.
No wonder, it was a heady feeling.
I went over to the parked car...
Knocked the door...
Inside, an ugly man and a not so ugly lady were making out.
I had to shoot that man.
Bang....bang...
It’s done? Yes...it’s Done.
Lady was shocked, blood all spilled over her scared face, fat neck and half opened blouse...
I remembered my mother! And two more shots!
A job, well done!
"I had arrived "!
It was a night to remember!
And the cub was basking in the glory!..I was youngest in the gang..!
That was the first night, I slept peacefully....
And it happened...our first touch..!
We held hands...under the pretext of shaking hands...none of us moved our eyes away and none of us wanted to blink first!
Finally, I did!
Slightly embarassed, slight blush and waves of excitement erupting inside!
We started having weird but fascinating conversations!
One evening after, an interesting conversation, clandestine touch, meeting of eyes and few more cosy feelings...we started waking towards her hostel...
"I like you...."! She paused...
I said abruptly,"isnt it something we both are aware of!?"
"I know! She exclaimed, her nose ring shining bright in fading light!
She tossed her hair, held my hand and what followed were few words which later on defined our relationship...
“I want to Thank you for being here with me now...
If ever, I run away from you.
I want you to follow me like hounds...
Please, don't take away anything,
Even your sadness, which you have never shared with me...
And all the days that we've lived so far have left some or the other marks on me, without me even realizing that...
There isn't even one memory I don't need..."
A soft, tender, warm kiss on forehead...and night was shining even more bright...
And the beast was waking up…..!
I was good at academics but there was this other side of mine which relished dark world...dark imagination, dark fantasies, dark real simulation!
I guess, I drew my inspiration from a story where protagonist lives a normal life during day time and as soon as clock turned 12 at midnight, he started having
This werewolf characteristic! A dual personality of man and beast!
I feel, a man is incomplete without beasts. In an imaginary world, if all beasts are gone, man would be deprived of solidarity of spirit! We humans always tend
To follow whatever happens to beasts.
I was just aware of this fact and did not want to go against the cycle of nature.
I don’t have even remotest idea, how does it feel to have a happy childhood..!
Guys used to bully me in school. They always mistook my silence as arrogance and repulse. Slowly I learned to tackle them. I joined them and thus opened door to unexplored world...inside the door, there was blood, courage, mystique and a great feeling akin of being atop mountains of macabre!
====================================================================================
Amanda and I were playing the game...i knew, though reluctantly, that i had fallen for her!
I was not sure how to approach her! I could not take a "No" from her, though she would not have said so!
On one hand I was apprehensive about my true identity and on the other hand I wanted to unleash my dormant passion.
Whenever I looked at her, I felt like holding her and planting the most passionate kiss humankind had ever witnessed!
And her eyes?! Well, they tried to show nothing! Yes, they tried....
The difference between a man and woman's in matters of heart is, a man would confess as soon as he can whereas a woman would prolong it as long as possible!
Unfortunately, this time, both were on the same side!
Finally, one sunny evening, lady luck smiled! Our eyes met and a silent greeting nod followed!
Few more good mornings...then few more smiles...and then language of eyes started changing!
College cafeteria...”two espresso!”
“No, one black coffee please!”
While offering her chair, I felt a sharp intake of breath and I had never witnessed something that gorgeous!
It must be her breath...
Clinical psychology was my profession but to girls, this subject comes when they are in womb.
And every time, I felt I was being dissected! Harder than previous time...
Perhaps it's time for me to stop being a whisperer and start being a Screamer!
================================================================
My first role in a crime was of a mute witness!
I watched in silence as others performed the job.
Blood in my veins were speeding my fear to the throat...my heart was pounding and bells were beating....it was midnight!
And I could not sleep for many nights!
I realized I still have a conscience...which was laden with cruel and vague imprints of time...
But it’s better to be scarred than average! Your life starts finding purpose...one just needs to let loose of it...
Time had come to perform my first job under the supervision of my seniors...
Instructions were simple...
I was handed this metallic beauty! It was chilling cold and heavy. And all of a sudden I felt responsible, grown up and a Man.
No wonder, it was a heady feeling.
I went over to the parked car...
Knocked the door...
Inside, an ugly man and a not so ugly lady were making out.
I had to shoot that man.
Bang....bang...
It’s done? Yes...it’s Done.
Lady was shocked, blood all spilled over her scared face, fat neck and half opened blouse...
I remembered my mother! And two more shots!
A job, well done!
"I had arrived "!
It was a night to remember!
And the cub was basking in the glory!..I was youngest in the gang..!
That was the first night, I slept peacefully....
And it happened...our first touch..!
We held hands...under the pretext of shaking hands...none of us moved our eyes away and none of us wanted to blink first!
Finally, I did!
Slightly embarassed, slight blush and waves of excitement erupting inside!
We started having weird but fascinating conversations!
One evening after, an interesting conversation, clandestine touch, meeting of eyes and few more cosy feelings...we started waking towards her hostel...
"I like you...."! She paused...
I said abruptly,"isnt it something we both are aware of!?"
"I know! She exclaimed, her nose ring shining bright in fading light!
She tossed her hair, held my hand and what followed were few words which later on defined our relationship...
“I want to Thank you for being here with me now...
If ever, I run away from you.
I want you to follow me like hounds...
Please, don't take away anything,
Even your sadness, which you have never shared with me...
And all the days that we've lived so far have left some or the other marks on me, without me even realizing that...
There isn't even one memory I don't need..."
A soft, tender, warm kiss on forehead...and night was shining even more bright...
And the beast was waking up…..!
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