Jigsaw Memoirs -5(The End)

That was the only mistake I committed. Because I knew my mistakes could slowly fuel my mental destruction, and will eventually leave me with nothing.
But soon enough, I made the top echelons forget that episode with my subsequent performances. With time flying by, my targets kept on being more specific and elite! Politicians, business tycoons, famous celebrities kept on adding themselves to my victim lists.

It was a high seeing fears on these faces in their times of reckoning! Those very public faces always belied a fake confidence and self-belief which actually stood naked when they faced death. In the privacy of their bedrooms, there always was nervousness, tension, fear of losing it all and 'will it last long' Question hanging from their bitter faces!
It used to be an ecstatic feeling finding their destiny in my hands! One push of my finger, and they are gone!
I swear, I could not have traded this power with any other thing in my life!

The power of controlling others destiny and the power of being able to be a slave to Amanda!

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We just completed two years living together! We colored the world with the hues of our passion! We could not have enough of each other! Our love makings never needed any aphrodisiac.
When I found shades of meek mermaid, I nurtured her. Holding her in my arms as if this is all she needed. When I found her rousing Lioness streak, I surrendered...
Waiting to be burnt in her burning desires!
Waiting to be a victim of her claws!
Waiting to be lost in the maze of her never ending tresses!
Waiting to be scratched from her shining nose ring!

Whenever I found her teeth in my neck, it was a feeling of all of my pains being sucked away!
It was a stress reliever seeing many mischiefs dancing on her little nose!
Her expertise in household affairs did not leave me with any scope of even a single complaint!
Her temper, was little volatile but when you are in love; you embrace that anger because you find it an added attraction!

Don’t we love "despite" instead of "because"?

One of those unending nights,
Amanda, am I a stupid mortal trying to mark my place in the world?
Or am I a lost Fool trying to find my place in the world?
Or am I a twisted Monster dreaming for happiness in my hollow world?
Won’t you please judge me fairly as I am trying to bring forth my dreams to reality...!!

she took my head in her lap and almost whispered, Let the world break you down as if you care, you have got nothing more to lose, like shattered glass!
Fly into those Pieces you are already torn and you know what, there’s a way to shine, if there's a will! And you have plenty of them...you always say, you tend to hide in your dreams, so I tell you 'not to sleep'...just keep loving me...!

She never questioned my frequent night absence! She did not feel like asking and I did not feel like explaining!

Though, lately, whenever we made love, somehow, i started having uneasy vibes of her body not following her soul! The rhythm of her skin was not in sync with mine! I glanced at her and her eyes said nothing!
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It was her desire of having a baby! I was not comfortable with the idea but did not resist either! I was sceptical about my own ability of being a good Father...she understood it and assured me!

People say that life screws us all....well, I just thought! You know what, Daniel? I think its time to grab a hold of life, bend it over and say: "Alright Life...now it’s your turn...! What the heck..!
Who knows, probably my not having a good childhood would have resulted into my turning into a good father!

And when I held little Meryl for the first time in my trembling hands, I realized what I would have missed! The joy was beyond my existence!
I had never cried so much! I had never cared so much!
Destiny had just changed! I had just become father! A proud father...

I love you Amanda!

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And in my profession...i was just promoted...Meryl had brought me luck...rather than being a mere pawn, i was incorporated in the decision making hierarchy!
Now I could order instead of executing them! I had to study, analyze and strategise about our targets! Though, supposedly, i became more powerful, I started Going restless! I was itching for action..!
The sight of blood...the sound of bang bang! And finally, my eternal aphrodisiac, 'power'! I was missing that power..!

Though, number of killings had decreased! We were firmly established as the instigator of fear factor! Frequent killings had given way to short calls!
Wanting to have a pie of this lucrative industry, new sharks had started rearing their heads! Time had come....action was about to begin!

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What makes one stop loving? What makes one's love for his soul mate reduce?
Loyalty?
Boredom?
Or just a forceful wave of emotions for someone else?
Did I err? Or I failed to revitalise the already rejuvenated relation?
I never got any warning! I never saw it coming! Love makes you take things granted! But then, girls are ruthless and love is barbaric!
More so a lady is like a secret about a secret. The more it tells you, the less you know...

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For one month, I remained thoroughly engrossed in my work! I forgot Amanda, I forgot Meryl! It was time to pay back to my calling! It was time to pay for my Things which had given me, identity, power, dignity and sense of being alive! The sharks had to be tackled in the best way possible!
Elimination was the only word, doing the rounds!
How, why, where? That’s all I had to decide!
I was given a free hand! And brutality was unleashed! I did not hear bang bang for a month!
All I heard was, it’s done!
One more done!
One more gone!
Clear!

....finally...the ruthless efficiency reined! A job well done..!

And one fine day, chief told me, how good you look when dressed in rage. Your enemies are rather fortunate that your condition is not permanent. And you're Lucky too because Red eyes suit so few...I instantly knew, I was ready for even bigger roles!

The only regret was...not being in the arena...performing actions...!

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And when I came back....on the onset of Christmas...
I did not know, Santa Clause had brought me this gift..!

Somebody woke up on the wrong side of the... universe that day...

Few anonymous calls!
Amanda not so willing to make love!
Probably, PMS...
Probably...post pregnancy syndrome...
Probably mood swings...temper...
But how long?

Bolted door and hours long whispers!
"What’s wrong"?
"I do have a personal life and I don’t really feel like welcoming any questions!"

Ok...i will wait...
I did...days...weeks...

"Why don’t you just kill me with the love you won't give to me and fill the wound with salt....? I want to feel it bleed...bleed profusely...
I continued...
"Why don’t you just share, what it is?.."

"I wouldn’t prefer to explain it! I think, every relationship comes up with an expiry period! The other guy fascinates me even more! Call it love or whatever!
Though, I still care for you...!"

When lightening strikes you, normally you are not alive to feel it..!
I did...was I shattered? Broken? Or completely numb?...let me find another metaphor..!

"No other reasons?" I murmured...

"Not at all...isnt it all very natural? We never had any promises. We did not even marry...! I just got bored honey!"

Fair enough...

Trap of emotions..!
I hate these tears! They always have to come out in most inappropriate moments! They love to disclose your heart condition! They love to make your already Shattered heart appears even more fragile! In those times, they work for the ones who broke you! These tears are the ultimate ditcher..!

The regret of not being in the arena...not performing my perfected actions started resurfacing...!
I looked at sleeping Meryl..! Don’t worry angel..! I will be guarding you..!
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Amanda was looking beautiful...! Her closed eyes yet again, revealed nothing! The marvel statue glistened even more! Not a single flow..!

The bosom still felt Alive as if the heart inside wouldn’t want to stay away from those perfectly carved curves! The cloud of black tresses were swimming in the red liquid flowing Underneath her...I touched her face...red colour suited her...it symbolized her passion...love...spirit...
And it just completed the picture...the art...!

I kept on holding her...didnt I want this all my life? Didn’t she want this always?

Target had to be her heart..! That’s the place I belonged to...
Just two shot...

"I love you Amanda...more than ever before...
And I love you more than you do..!" and I kissed her goodbye...! A kiss of death!

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I was back to my farm...lying down on the soil...feeling the dead body of my unwed wife, which was nourishing the corn on the tilled land and corn had just Started Growing...it’s a green burial and a sight to behold...yes, she is buried beneath...even after her death. I can still feel her...

I religiously keep a bunch of white roses for her...it was supposed to be her job but nevertheless, I am performing it...
I wish you were happy... that's all...
Sometimes I just tear my heart open but I sew myself shut. Probably my weakness was that I cared too much. And my scars keep on reminding me that the past is More than real. I just tear my heart open, only to feel. Probably you've had enough of it all, but then, you left me here to wait!

And I, all over again started feeling the rustic mix of red blood and black emotions...
Until.....

"Father, where are you?..Its getting dark....wont you come back...?!!"