Thursday, 26 June 2008

Rambling Ragas!-4

She promised to meet next day. I kept tossing and turning in my bed whole night. Her spirit had caught me off guard or rather; she was doing what I had always wanted to do. She was not chained to any thing. She was doing what she felt right. She did not commit any crime. She was just following the call of her heart. Above all, we were going to meet her and yes, I did think about confessing what I had in my mind. I can’t help but to let the other person know how I am feeling about him/her. Sooner, the better. I had invited her for lunch at my place.

I woke up all excited. Could not wait. I still wonder how easily she managed to impress me in a span of two days. It was a lovely sensation flowing through my veins.
At 12, I received a note saying, “I would not be able to make it. Jay, I Hope to meet you again in this lifetime”. Then few more lines which I would disclose later.

I wondered again. I smiled. And then I cracked loudly.

Ever had crush on someone? Yeah, Crush. Isn’t it funny, how the similar word for the feeling of disillusionment can be used for the feeling of desirability? The Oxford English Dictionary states one of the meanings for the word crushed as "a strong and unreasoning, but transitory attachment. No. no complaints, though.

Yes, beautiful things happen for two days. But, sometimes, its effects linger on for a longer duration. Yes, it was fun. Love you baby.

What I have seen is some people don’t really feel and believe that they deserve love. All they do is to walk away quietly into empty spaces and trying to close the gaps of the past. She seemed to be of that kind. And thankfully, I am not of that kind. Everyone has his/her own set of setbacks and one tends to lose trust. Trust becomes something of a rare material, you vowed you never do again and you keep your heart prisoner in that steel enclosure. But whoever said, time is a great healer, was a smart chap. slowly, heart does come out of that steel enclosure. As for me, I can not want anything to stand in my way of doing what I do best and that is to love, to make people happy. I am addicted to my fluctuation because that makes me more vulnerable but more open to new changes as well.

That girl, well, I call her princess had also sent me one of her favourite poems.

"There is pleasure in the pathless woods,
There is rapture on the lonely shore,
There is society where none intrudes,
By the deep sea and the music in its roar;
I love not man the less, but Nature more."
— Lord Byron

I am exploring the grey matter of my oversized brain and the dusty by lanes of my heart even more vigorously now! I will find it. I don’t know what! But I will find it!