Jigsaw Memoirs- 3

My work demanded me to have a dual personality, keeping a facade of no-nonsense attitude! And I felt I was doing a good job.

I was good at academics but there was this other side of mine which relished dark world...dark imagination, dark fantasies, dark real simulation!

I guess, I drew my inspiration from a story where protagonist lives a normal life during day time and as soon as clock turned 12 at midnight, he started having
This werewolf characteristic! A dual personality of man and beast!

I feel, a man is incomplete without beasts. In an imaginary world, if all beasts are gone, man would be deprived of solidarity of spirit! We humans always tend
To follow whatever happens to beasts.
I was just aware of this fact and did not want to go against the cycle of nature.

I don’t have even remotest idea, how does it feel to have a happy childhood..!
Guys used to bully me in school. They always mistook my silence as arrogance and repulse. Slowly I learned to tackle them. I joined them and thus opened door to unexplored world...inside the door, there was blood, courage, mystique and a great feeling akin of being atop mountains of macabre!
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Amanda and I were playing the game...i knew, though reluctantly, that i had fallen for her!
I was not sure how to approach her! I could not take a "No" from her, though she would not have said so!
On one hand I was apprehensive about my true identity and on the other hand I wanted to unleash my dormant passion.
Whenever I looked at her, I felt like holding her and planting the most passionate kiss humankind had ever witnessed!
And her eyes?! Well, they tried to show nothing! Yes, they tried....

The difference between a man and woman's in matters of heart is, a man would confess as soon as he can whereas a woman would prolong it as long as possible!
Unfortunately, this time, both were on the same side!
Finally, one sunny evening, lady luck smiled! Our eyes met and a silent greeting nod followed!
Few more good mornings...then few more smiles...and then language of eyes started changing!

College cafeteria...”two espresso!”
“No, one black coffee please!”

While offering her chair, I felt a sharp intake of breath and I had never witnessed something that gorgeous!
It must be her breath...

Clinical psychology was my profession but to girls, this subject comes when they are in womb.
And every time, I felt I was being dissected! Harder than previous time...

Perhaps it's time for me to stop being a whisperer and start being a Screamer!
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My first role in a crime was of a mute witness!
I watched in silence as others performed the job.
Blood in my veins were speeding my fear to the throat...my heart was pounding and bells were beating....it was midnight!
And I could not sleep for many nights!

I realized I still have a conscience...which was laden with cruel and vague imprints of time...
But it’s better to be scarred than average! Your life starts finding purpose...one just needs to let loose of it...

Time had come to perform my first job under the supervision of my seniors...
Instructions were simple...

I was handed this metallic beauty! It was chilling cold and heavy. And all of a sudden I felt responsible, grown up and a Man.
No wonder, it was a heady feeling.

I went over to the parked car...
Knocked the door...
Inside, an ugly man and a not so ugly lady were making out.
I had to shoot that man.
Bang....bang...
It’s done? Yes...it’s Done.

Lady was shocked, blood all spilled over her scared face, fat neck and half opened blouse...
I remembered my mother! And two more shots!

A job, well done!

"I had arrived "!

It was a night to remember!
And the cub was basking in the glory!..I was youngest in the gang..!
That was the first night, I slept peacefully....
And it happened...our first touch..!
We held hands...under the pretext of shaking hands...none of us moved our eyes away and none of us wanted to blink first!
Finally, I did!
Slightly embarassed, slight blush and waves of excitement erupting inside!

We started having weird but fascinating conversations!

One evening after, an interesting conversation, clandestine touch, meeting of eyes and few more cosy feelings...we started waking towards her hostel...

"I like you...."! She paused...

I said abruptly,"isnt it something we both are aware of!?"

"I know! She exclaimed, her nose ring shining bright in fading light!
She tossed her hair, held my hand and what followed were few words which later on defined our relationship...

“I want to Thank you for being here with me now...
If ever, I run away from you.
I want you to follow me like hounds...
Please, don't take away anything,
Even your sadness, which you have never shared with me...
And all the days that we've lived so far have left some or the other marks on me, without me even realizing that...
There isn't even one memory I don't need..."

A soft, tender, warm kiss on forehead...and night was shining even more bright...

And the beast was waking up…..!