Lunatic's Fantasy-2

"Writing is like prostitution. First you do it for love, and then for a few close friends, and finally for money"...well said sir...whosoever said it..! But in my case there is a fourth option. For the sake of self! Or have you heard of a lunatic being paid for writing diary?

In fact, the doctor will execute me for writing stuff beyond his not so visible intellectual domain! Poor doc! Working 24/7 amongst a rich crowd of insane and in the process almost on the verge of losing his sense and sensibility! Yesterday, I saw him scratching his head on my case file! Reading my history, trying to pinpoint the exact cause of my perceived insanity and still clueless!

From the days of my one BHK flat, I loved being lonely...It was really satisfying to see my smart face in the clean tiles of my flat...the mixture of white tiles and yellow coloured walls and the magnanimous presence of white roof top...those were my closest acquaintances! I used to be at prime in night...providing solace to darkness...as night is so lonely without the howl of a wolf so was it without my silence...just a single light..With music playing in background and plethora of beautiful ladies residing in my subconscious! Needless to mention I was loyal to all of them...hehe...the heart is made for loving and to dance on the beatitudes of multiple heartbeats...I never interfered in my heart's basic function..

My heart had few broken pieces resembling artist’s palette and I always tried to use narcissist’s approach of mine as my paintbrush. And trust me, I carved out amazing paintings! It’s a different matter; those paintings were never sold or even understood! Alas, my thinking of abstract being most precious form of art was proved wrong! They threw all of my art works in the garbage before taking me to mental asylum. But that was long after.

I guess, I am really insane! Or how would I explain things with such details? Injection is having its effect! I am feeling sleepy but I want to write more...
guess, I am really insane! Or how would I explain things with such details? Injection is having its effect! I am feeling sleepy but I want to write more...

Oh, where was I? Oki...my mates used to visit me and always complained about my life style...probably they never heard of Bob Marley's "who are you to judge the life I live? I know I’m not perfect - and I don’t live to be...”! They never understood! I never complained! My one complain would have become a national issue had I ever done it once! My not complaining became a complaint...probably it was a power which could not be fathomed that easily! Though, I was moulded in the form of a pair of soothing yet firm shoulders to cry upon! It never really occurred to them, that those shoulders don’t last long, eventually you have to learn to pick yourself up! It did not matter to me either.

From the face of one of the most caring human being, my face started to resemble to that of not so caring human being...they opined...your face is kind of funny...your face is kind of sad..
I kept mum with a wry smile...if that was not saying something, I was!

Life is a sexually transmitted disease with 100% mortality. Bow to the statement.
Isn’t it? The varied reasons of my being paranoid had their roots in my optimism. I always thought, it doesn't hurt to be optimistic. One can always cry later. Optimism is an infectious virtue in the short run. Better not to wear it on the sleeves. By the time, I realized it I was no more found fit in the balanced social structure!

Why ink drops are troubling me? Oh...it’s cold out there, but I am without clothes. Doc has punished me for not adhering to the rules of this sanctum sanctorum. But I am not feeling cold. I am numb. I just hope no nurse or lady docs come visiting or else, I will be in deep trouble. Hehe...i have heard reports that I am a fertile male. Though, I don’t get any chance to check its authenticity. Oops...they will kill me if they see such statements. Isn’t it said that, vulgarity lies in the eyes of beholder. But that new doctor is really pretty. How I wish to be treated by her. :))..

I think, I wrote very seriously today. Very bad. Any ways, Life’s fucked up in that funny sort of way...so why am not I laughing..? Hehe...i am laughing. See, it’s so easy...tomorrow I will manage a new ink bottle and then I will write my diary again...

But lunatic is sleepy now. In this severe cold, on the rough tiles, with out any blanket! But its fun. Unifying my naked soul in the embrace of mother earth...and watching four colourless walls...scary roof...and water leaking from the corner...I am happy..very happy..