Lunatic Fantasy -3

It’s raining heavily today and all the inmates want to go out to get a feel of first shower..! But authorities are not allowing us...what the heck! It is not a democratic set up where we are forbidden to indulge in any pleasure...i shouted at the ward boy but he slapped me hard, threatening to devoid me of my dinner...am I supposed to not voice my wishes just because they will keep me hungry?

Nevertheless, why to argue about those psychos who are treating us insanely sane persons...few pages of my diary are totally blank...just the way my life was once upon a time...

I fell in love with...obviously a girl! I had yet to discover my equal attraction for males. Though I liked a male's physique, their strength and the oozing masculine power...but I often wondered how it would feel to be indulging in sex with a male...
yukkk...it wont be fun..No soft skins...no spongy feelings...n worst; you are required to penetrate a stony structure with a small nail...i know that’s a dirty way to put it..

Though...sshhhh...should I share? When I was 9 years old I loved watching Baywatch. Those bikini babes in red swimwear...oo...la...la...!!
My parents were quite strict with cable telecast, so I used to wait when they will go out so that I can fulfill my voyeuristic desires...women anatomy always fascinated me even to the extent that I had a physical relationship with a guy at the age of nine..I showed him baywatch...fuelled his desires, albeit unintentionally and soon we were locked in his one room shanty...

what also helped me, he was a poor guy and I had some clout and he could not refuse me...though what we used to do was just climbing on each other, kissing and rubbing against each other..And yeah, he did start enjoying the act later on...did you feel that was ugly? Excuse me...vulgarity lies in the eyes of beholder and brains of you sophisticated morons...
Oh...that was a golden period...and why not? After all what is life all about...eat...drink...sleep...has sex (natural...unnatural does not matter as long as you are pleasing yourself...)...laugh...smile...

Hope you keep this secret!! So I was telling about my love life...that chick...she was amazing...she smoked...she drank...and she was open to all kind of propositions...and that’s why I loved her...while glancing into her eyes, I felt as if the whole world has faded away into a light of bliss..
She was lusty...horny...and above all she made me feel like a prince...I dreamed of having my harem full of femme fatales of all breed...some desires are so wonderful..Just having them in your eyes and heart make the world a beautiful place to live in...

When she left me for another guy who was rich and had built, I felt heartbroken...
No. actually I did not..! I thought...Just the replacement should, if not better then must be equal to her...crying was an option but how long the shoulders to cry upon last? Probably somewhere between nowhere and goodbye. So I did not cry...

No...Oh...i did sometimes..! Though I never acknowledged those occasional drops!

Today we are scheduled to play volleyball. Doctor says, it’s good for our health. And if females inmates desire, they can also join us...wow...that is so tempting...I must impress them...I will wear that black dress which has just one torn mark...though I will try to hide that. I make black look smart on me...hehe...

My girl friend was a victim of child abuse...she was abused by her dad when she was just six...and kept on being abused till she attained puberty...then her dad left her for her younger sis..Her mom had run away with an alcoholic...ironical...because to get rid of one alcoholic she left for another leaving behind her two toddlers in the clutch of that beast...probably he was sexually starved...I don’t care though..Nevertheless...my girlfriend was pure in an impure way...
Yesterday few rats entered into my cell and roamed around my lovely body...initially I screamed but then I stopped, thinking it is me who makes the nightmares scream...so why should I scream..!!
I love the way I think...aint you liking me? But if you wish to kill me, hate me, detest me, and survive in an unsightly way... Run and cling to life...I am here to stay...

Here in the asylum, they don’t provide non veg items...and I hate that...they are not allowing me to contribute in maintaining ecological balance...after all why should not I eat fish? Do you know why? Because fish do not have any feelings...i discovered it long back...while I was cutting one fish rather dissecting it to check how it looks from inside with blood oozing al around, it did not scream...nor did it cry...it dint even close its eye lashes..
It means, it was willing to die or it does not have any feelings about living and dieing. Now think of it...had they allowed me to live a normal life in the world wouldn’t my great insight would have made a great difference in the world...but...no..!

They did not...and they wont...and thus depriving the world of a suffocated genius...
Who cares...their loss..!I am happy...

I have lot to tell. More like I would keep on bleeding songs until the lyrics died...my sexual escapades...survival mantras...and hell lot of eerie tale to tell...society calls me a devil but they never acknowledged they created this devil..I wanted to live life without harming any one...but...now I feel I am close to becoming a demented permanent resident...

Will go now for volleyball...with my partners and hopefully those lusty females...till then let me bleed inside and crying in the out..I will die a living death in those frantic corners where no one will hear my unheard shouts...
Adios diary...