Lunatic Fantasy-4

For what I’ve done
I start again
And whatever pain may come
Today this ends
I’m forgiving what I’ve done
What I've done.......

That how a popular song reads like! I ve heard that it’s against a man's ego to cry. Even I feel so. Even bigger issue is a man's failing to acknowledge his mistakes! So lest you get puzzled in non-existent intricacies, let me forgive myself for what I have done though I am not sure what exactly I have done except good things!!

It’s raining heavily since I have come here. Rain god always follows me as if he is overwhelmed with my presence on the earth. It is said that the rain will Wash away all your pain but for me it’s just a reminder of the past...

Life is complicated and girls are cruel yet I fell in love with a mesmerising body for the nth time (for the sake of change this time it was mutual!), .but my existing passion termed it infidelity. She wanted to hold me forever. I felt suffocated.i backed up my ability of loving many gals at the same time and quite passionately. They never believed so because our civilization says polygamy is equal to infidelity and you must be loyal to one. But thinking of it, when I can be loyal to many, shouldn’t I go for that? Listen to the wolf inside of you and it howls in a self-interpreted language.

"You are nuts"! The oft-repeated accusation hurled at me!
I m not a closed Book. I am wide open. I am just in a language one never understands.
With all my rights, I reject your reality and substitute my own!

True to my experimental nature, often while making love, i preferred being a female and let my partner turn into male with complete command.
Treat me like a slave!
Torcher me!
Make me travel the vicissitudes of pain!
I liked to see those red spots on my body and her bosom. It used to give me the kick which no other drugs could ever provide me.

Recently a female was admitted in the asylum. Barely in her twenties, she stripped once in the gallery and was laughing like only insane can laugh..
i thought she was meditating and interacting with god through her laughters.i instantly fell for her once I saw her in her birth suit.
Do you think I am lusty am not because only through physical contact one can touch, see and feel the soul of other person.because, once you touch the body, you can actually experience the rhythm of her skin, the beats of her desire and movements of her delicate persona.

By the way, during all this mental and emotional turbulence, my first girlfriend was murdered, killed by her existing flame.i managed to see her beautiful body
Turned into an embodiment of ugliness because of autopsy. Nevertheless it was still worth desiring for. While mentioning her body, i wonder how god would have delved deep into his/her imagination while carving female anatomy. He must have practiced hard like a blacksmith who keeps hammering hard on a hot metal until he transforms it into his desired shape.i also think that female's sexual orientation is more intense, afterall eve ate apple first.

Coming to her death, probably her obsession for sex and drugs led her to her eventual fate.i was summoned for interrogation because of my previous relationship with her. What was supposed to be a normal interrogation turned into few days of remand! Police said I was high on grass and they found my appearance suspicious was beaten to hemmorage, offered to sexually starved inmates who had me for dinner, breakfast and lunch.
I managed to survive, because in my past life I was immortal and this life was giving me same signal. Bleeding profusely I kept on requesting lord to forgive them...but I realized Sweet words
Spoken through jail cell bars hold little charm.

I had revenge on my mind but then Revenge is for those who do not have the patience for karma.but,Patience Is also death In Silence.i don’t know what I finally believed in!!
Why I had to go through this ordeal?
I accept, everyone has evil in them...mine's just a little more apparent than others.but was that the only reason?
This incident left an undiluted impact on me!
Afterwards, happiness just remained a word to me and Heartless and Nobodies became my friends!
Life just turned into a metaphor and usually its life that scares me to death.
Things were unfolding fast and my prison stay was just a mere glimpse of interesting times ahead...

Some anonymous shithead said, “I am a man that follows a path despite my eyes that tell me that I don't know myself...that I am actually a path without destination..."!!!
Was I slowly beginning to see my reflection in that abstract reality..?!