Lunatic Fantasy- 5 (The End)

"You know what's funny? The act of laughter; which is a sweet contraction of the muscles of the face, and a pleasant agitation of the vocal organs. It's not Beauty or in the jurisdiction of ourselves. Simply put, the essence of laughter is...Insanity".....

Words of wisdom by some anonymous insane!! Based on this revealation, i can be safely termed as insane because full throttle laughter was my hallmark which Got lost with the passage of time!

Coming out of prison, i was forced to venture into the last stage of one part of my life...people started viewing me with Suspicion and my own 'real world experience' in prison made me a victim of depression which was confirmed by my psychatrist! He also found some traces of abnormalcy in My behaviour.

Depression, my foot! What’s depression? Residing in heaven between two beasts that have run out of hell! Yeah, that’s depression!

Inside my ruined interior, lies my vague belief that would be changing many not so proportional equations.
I started waiting to be promoted to the next stage of my life..

at times,I stare outside my window and the sun creeps in silently, wondering if ever it will witness my naked soul!?
Perhaps no, it lost in the transition and so will I!

Just for few eternal moments, i intend to leave behind my traces through my writing and words...but...what to do with a fallen soul in the corners of my own unfairly glorified but utterly hollow existence...

Perhaps an echo of an angel who will never return!!

My double personality kept sticking out of the cage of my flat and friends said...you don’t bare your heart...you are not being you...you are always restrained...

It simply implied why dint I cry to the appeasement of their non-existent largesse...?
Why should one weep when you cry for no one?

Why should one weep when you live for no one!

One just lives for one's own fucking miniscule existence!

But I had some other plans. Taking to the grave whatever was in my heart..!

You still think, i have many things left unsaid in my heart!? This diary is the testimony of my nakedness!

Nothing is more expressive than shining nights but our face is composed of darkness wherein we try to fake its presence! Mirror yourself in the night, and one gets to view the dark face and even darker reality...

I was accused of pulling people towards me and making them dependent, finally to turn them away...

Was I wrong?

Why should others just be a part of good side of my persona? Aren’t they supposed to absorb my negativity as well?

No, they won’t...because their life is full of misery and misery has a habit of loving company but to their dismay company does not reciprocate!
I was hailed because apparently I showed the breaking of dawn and yet I left them in dark to grapple with last few pieces of demons! They didn’t love it and I was not loved for it either...

Diary, have you ever witnessed mourning of birds? When one of them dies, they keep flying over the cliff, in search of flower fields...they just go on without ever staying to cry over a gone one...
when they fly,they are hovering around air,clouds,stormy sky! Can they afford to leave those exciting and challenging parts of their journey and instead, mull over where they buried their loved one!

Am I comparing humans with birds?

They did not send me to exile for nothing! Perhaps I am looking for something which doesn’t exist...just like notion of me embracing the dark...walking in the light and hoping twilight to find my way in this life...

I am dreaming with my eyes closed...Aah...

Life and living seems so easy with closed eyes... it also helps me in running away because the truth of loneliness is hard to resist...and I can safely disappear...!
Why I am alone despite knowing no one is there to help me?
Precisely because of that....
if ever you make my gravestone, give it a weathered look...allow few flowers to grow across it...make a stone structure of lips and put it on the top of gravestone so that when I close my eyes, i can feel that I am planting kiss on the lips which I have missed...

I will also request stars to continue hanging from sky with the help of those little strings...but never ever ask me where the strings are attached to.....!!!

Else, i might get angry, things might go out of hand because I would not know the answer...

I will need just one companion; solitude! I beg you...don’t take it away...I can’t stay away from it...

I am being eclipsed on the brighter side of the moon...never to be seen again to ordinary mortals...

Dried up passion for life and living like a drop of unseen tears in desert...

I was just an experiment of this world without any name.....nope!

I was named lunatic...menace for society...anti-social because I tried to fulfil the virtue of a human. A strong human...

Loved because I was needed...
hated because I did not cry...
forgotten because I was detached from world in general...!
And praised because I knew humans are prone to being subservient...

Yes, I was just an experiment of this world....an experiment which did not fetch any results....