Jigsaw Memoirs- 1

Having a house with a lakeside view is always a sight to cherish...it seemed like a virtual paradise amidst the crooning of colourful birds, sun settling its
Dust after its day long marathon...tranquillity of river making a splash in the untouched parts of my heart...
I
was taking a stroll nearby lake...creaking of fallen leaves was holding my nerves to ransom...whispering winds were gushing through my rough skin...

I loved toiling on my farm...nurturing the soil with my sweat...relishing the experience of my being and my solitude...and when I lie on the breast of mother
Earth, listening to its heartbeats, I felt like an artist lying on canvas to show people the truth...

I always had a thing for appearing calm, unruffled...but I just had a thing...inside, the four chambers were painted red blood coated with dark black emotions
Underneath...never realized, when blood and emotions got mixed up...whenever I smelled that brownish black soil which was known for its fertility and high
Yields, something inside just starts stirring up...rearing its head and innumerable neurons ache...

Sometimes truth is so horrible that it will haunt your dreams forever...

It pained and it pained until I heard that voice....

Father...
Father...where are you...its getting dark....wont you come back...?!
And all of a sudden I was at ease with myself...slowly gathering my composure back...back on the tired yet trusted feet’s...

Meryl!!! Where are you my love?
I am right behind you father...I could see her angelic face hugging my legs from behind...i took her in my arms and hugged my little joy...

That’s the joy of fatherhood...just one look at her face and everything gets buried...
She has oval face just like Amanda, her mother...her big eyes as deep as ocean...and a smile glancing through broken teeth...
Amanda was serving my favourite food...i loved watching her from the corners of my eyes...continuous dripping of warmth and affection...ever so graceful body
Language...sophistication is a virtue...with Amanda it was an unfailing regularity...

A woman cant be a good cook unless she prepares it with love...and whatever she cooked ,always bore a testimony of quality...i could never find a reason not
To find the food delicious...

I asked her, how was the day?
Quite perfect...she replied....
But the undertone gave me some other vibes...

Tell me, something bothering you sweetie?
No darling...not at all....smile still intact on her glossed lips....

There was something strange about my sensitivity! Quite weird...quite unreasonable but it had a bad habit of being right almost always...
I did not want to feel that she was not willing to tell me...lying is the most fun a girl can have without taking her clothes off...guess, it was Amanda’s
Style of having fun...

I took her in my arms...planted a deep kiss...was losing myself to her long tresses and full lips...
And I stopped...I just stopped...

You know, every person possesses a tool which has many shades, types, and performance matrix but its core is called feelings...that tool is feeling...people try
Reading, analyzing, interpreting your tool using their own tool and finally finding a perfect tool and striking at the heart's G-spot...

I did not find her there. Her body just contained an animal lust rather than usual passion...she was a strong lady...kind of a bitch in the street but femme in
The sheets type...Amanda wondered...and shrugged...
And night passed silently...very silently...
Meryl had to have her dinner from my hand...and a song running in the background...a story...
And her father...making her sleep on my lap was my religion...and i always fulfilled that...

Father, dont you miss mom?
I miss her terribly honey...
Then why you don’t you call her back?

Pin-drop silence...

Father??

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Never has there been a time, when I thought myself beautiful. I saw only my flaws when I looked in a mirror, and saw only the problems to fix.
Only ruined flesh, and scars. I saw only the pain inside and not the smile on my lips. Broken promises...
A turbulent childhood and scars of yore...

Amanda promised to heal those scars...without me ever asking for that...
Until that night...

sometimes loving means letting him/her go...and some other times it just means holding on to the other person as hard as possible because if I dont,one blink
And they might disappear...in our's case i am still wondering who disappeared..!!!


I was back to my farm...lying down on the soil...feeling the dead body of my wife which was nourishing the corn on the tilled land and corn had just started
Growing...it’s a green burial and a sight to behold...

And I, all over again started feeling the rustic mix of red blood and black emotions...