Rambling Raga-7

It has been ages since I had my last proper sleep. Sometimes, I just conclude that my body will keep turning and yearning for a sleep that will probably never come. Guess, that will help in slipping away of summers of my happiness and exuberance. Not an optimistic statement but, I seem to have resigned to those fading summers. Clutching them is getting harder and harder.
I wonder, whether I like state of insomnia but can't really say that I "like" this, because it always makes me feel quite melancholic. It’s really tough to escape insomniac nights. I keep loosing myself in thinking irresistibly irrelevant things! Most of them are nothing but wishful thinking and some anticipated heated do or die kind of fight!
Alas, neither of them ever actually realizes themselves.

Ah, wishful thinking is at its best when you feel most lonely, when you are deprived of quality people in your surroundings and finally when you crave for persons capable enough to understand you! Wishful thinking also visits you when you feel like being smothered and pulled under by complex structures of color...to the knowledegeables,i may not speak but eyes have this bad addiction of telling you everything you need to know. Well, now I know why I am so passionately indulged in this so called wishful thinking!

Few things...you want in that wistful list...well...But in reality, we don't want them, we rather want everything we’ve stolen in this suffering! Sometimes I tell people to want everything but I guess, in my own case, I use caution in what I believe!
Pinnacle of contradiction, I must admit! But story never ends here...Because those who are haunted by the demons of their own excellence and conscious are always denied everything! It always becomes very easy to lead from the front when others are broken, and have lost everything!


Come hither,
Take my hope away...
When something inside dies,
When there's no more pride
Come hither,
Take my life away...
Thy soul is no more,
Leave nothing left inside...
Still, it’s not enough...
It will be truly salvation...
Only when your heart is broken
A thousand times
With every moment...

How does it matter, when everything is taken away without any warning! I no more try to remain undaunted in this suffering!
Gosh, how tough is cheering yourself up! Situations keep providing you chances and more chances to trap yourself in abyss of agony! In the depths of hopelessness! And it’s always easy to fall in that trap! This time, it’s slightly different! I no longer feel like getting out of that abyss! The art of squeezing my strength from my own being is getting lost in quagmire of worldly maze! I need to suffer more! Because I haven’t suffered enough! I have not been given damages more than I can bare!
No, I vent suffered enough!

Its tough to comprehend others pain...but do let me know when some part of yours die! May be, I will have some reasons to explain the death of thousand of those things! But, be cautious while treading...Because you are treading on some dead things..!

I am getting tired of blabbering...don’t know what crap I am writing…seems more like I am writing for the heck of writing…my apologies to myself for that...

I haven’t suffered enough...
Let me suffer some more...
When the heart is broken
A thousand times
With every moment...
So...i won’t forget to breathe tonight once again.
Who knows, tonight might be the last...
So for the countless time,
To those dead things...
I will try to say final goodbye...