A note of Nostalgia

Dear M...,
Oh No! Not again!! I hope this won’t be your reaction as soon as you see my name on the letter..!!
Felt like sharing...once again...sharing a piece of my soul with you...
Time seemed to have moved on and so did we. But even after all the movements, I feel like being back to the square one...had a dream last night...and I woke up all surprised...probably I can not escape the fact that, you were a great part of my life or just wonder, you are?
So much is in my mind and I don’t know where to start though...
So much has flown under the bridge since that eventful day...when you decided not to take that step which could have changed our lives...

All I could have said was ‘I love you forever’, all I could have given was ‘love’...which is never unconditional...dont we greatly desire of being loved by someone whom we love the most..! All I could have offered was 'unflinching loyalty’. But I guess my hard exterior was not convincing enough to soothe your fragile interior...
I could never express how I endured years of improbable dreams hollowed with fear of losing you. Yes I was chasing eternal butterflies of timeless feeling, but at the core of it. My love, you were there...

Will I ever forget, the whole night burst of laughter, when I got your first letter...i just could not believe it...I used to run to terrace, hiding your letter in my pocket. With childish frequency so that my friends don’t tease me...I used to steal the moments. And how I wished time stands still and allow me to soak the heavenly feelings...should I also mention, I kept on waiting at the stairs...And for whom.? It was for the postman...when my thirsty eyes will again witness the same excitement...

How I miss the un-manly yet pure blushes, when I first heard your voice...i was stared at by the strangers standing near the public booth but I was in different time zone...didn’t you notice the tremors in my voice? The palpitation… beads of sweat... that phone bill had pride of place in my collection for so many years... manly
Now, its not there. Seems I have moved on...i wish...
Now I don’t go to the Phone booth...

Is it just mechanical, the writing or speaking about my best moments...that’s the paradox, Na! Considering my best moments thinking about your letter, your call and those rare meetings of ours...laughing on your silly jokes as if universe needed my laughter to feel worthy of its existence..Few sweet words by you and my life was happier for a month...and the comments by friends!! Have you talked to M? Ahan...that’s why you are happy...!
Now all I can do is to relive those moments...a 'blessed curse', perhaps...But how else to relieve the overflow of my heart? Foolish to say but I m Experiencing the exhilaration of the view from the edge. Because the moments I spend there, it still, takes my breath away and I get another reason to feel alive...

But am I being fair to you by reliving all those nostalgic feelings? No...Na...they say love never dies a natural death..
It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source... It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals...; it dies of weariness, of withering, of tarnishing...I don’t know the reason...probably, you do!
That is the end of it.., the end of this thing that never started. Except that it did. Crept upon us, love with its velvet paws. But you will wake up one morning and wish that my lost love for you was all a dream...

……….. Someone who tried to be yours….