It was six PM in the evening. The shutters were not yet closed. The old cacophony still hanged on in the premises. I am used to these noises for years. It’s a Kind of soothing music. People running here and there. Owners shouting at their employees. Customers pleading to traders. Few even getting angry! Everyone is in Hurry!
Mr.Parekh called up and enquired about the delivery.
"Arre saheb, parekh bol raha hoon!
Maal abhi tak deliver nahi hua..."
"Parekh saheb, pehle rokra iss baar..! Aapka khaata bahut din chal chuka...”
"Parekh replied...arre jignesh bhai...samjha karo...customer khade hai baahar...once i get the delivery, i wil clear all the dues!"
"No parekh, the big apple group has already paid for the entire commodity! It’s a six month advance! Ab kaha...udhaar khaata chalta hai...you can see it na, the Mode has changed! Advance payment, and you get the delivery! No running after traders! Time has changed parekh saheb!"
Parekh continued...”jignesh bhai, we have old relationship! It was never this way! Did I ever make you wait? Aapko saara amount mil jaata hai na?!"
Jignesh- "parekh bhai...I do understand, but time has changed! Its era of globalization! First you pay, and then you get the delivery! Relationship is at its own place! Business apni jagah! Sab badal gaya hai parekh bhai...”
"hello? Hello?"
The line was disconnected..!
I was watching all...parekh bhai's forehead was laden with sweats! I could see him pleading with all other options, the other traders...but none of them budged..!He tried to explain customers but all of them threatened to shift to other traders..!
He pleaded...he tried to explain...he asked for forgiveness...he asked for time...he reasoned them the years old relationship...
Nothing worked..!
He ordered me to close down the shutters!
And walked away...all dejected...dispointed...head hanging low...
I was watching it all...!
====================================================================
Mrs Parekh had just ordered kitchen items. The doorbell rang.
“Yes ma'm...please accept your stuff!”
The stuff comprised, vegetables, grains, daily use commodities! All from food bazaar!
Stuffs were all polished! Packaged! Having plastered price tag used over them! With the ever so enticing DISCOUNTS..! Up to 15 to 30 percent..!
In few of the things...even to the extent of 50 percent..!
The prospect was indeed salivating...if you take one kg of kohinoor basmati rice, it will cost you 50 rupees. But if you purchase three kgs, it will cost you just
89.99 rupees..!
Wow...a clear cut discount of 60 rupees.! Any house wife would give an eye for that!
Mr.parekh was watching it all!
"Dipti, dont you know, I was bringing the same rice for 25 rupees?
"Dekho ji, aap har baat mein kich-kich mat karo!?
It’s a different type of basmati rice! It has more shine, more taste and see the packaging! Packaging itself would have costed 10 rupees!"
Parekh tried to answer; the packaging costs not more than 30 paisa! But the smile which the delivery boy greeted with you definitely costed you almost 100 Rupees! I will bring the same rice next time, if you prefer it so much!
"Aap rehne do! Main bhi dekh chuki, aap kya kya laate ho..!"
And Mr Parekh walked away...all dejected...dispointed...head hanging low...
I was watching it all...!
===============================================================================================
Accha suno ji! How does this look? Maroon colored, laced lingerie!
Mr Parekh stood shocked!
“Since when you have started wearing this? “
She replied,” I watched it on Victoria’s secret show! There were so many fascinating designs, with different colors; different patterns and few were just wow..! Totally Transparent! They did cost a bomb! But then, I needed to flaunt it in the kitty party! Afterall, with changing times, we need to upgrade ourselves as well!
Afterall, with changing times, we need to upgrade ourselves as well! And It feels good to be aware of your own sexuality, even if demands to expose my cleavage a bit or just wearing transparent stuff!”
“Anyways, you won’t understand, you are oblivious to new world!
I wish I had a modern husband!
I am going to watch FTV 11 PM show...!”
Mr Parekh walked away to his bedroom...all dejected...dispointed...head hanging low...
I was watching it all..!
==========================================================================
Pinky shouted,……….. mom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What’s this? From where the hell did you bring this wheat? Chapatti tastes so yuckkkkk!!!
“Beta, it’s from, dad’s wheat mill!”
“I knew it! You are still cooking things from dad's antique museum?”
Mr Parekh intrrupted...pinky...beta...its home grown...of good quality..!
Listen dad! Chillax!
“I know what I like! And I know what’s the quality of your so called home grown, well cooked, well packaged, well delivered, and well prepared good quality stuff!
I can’t take this all! Mom...i am gonna have, some pizza and burger! You better Taste that old man and then you will find what service and quality is all about!
Come’ on give me some cash. I have run out of my credit card balance! And tell ramu to deposit cash in my account!”
Mr Parekh kept chewing the yuck chapatti...all dejected...dispointed...head hanging low...
I was watching it all..!
====================================================================
Sonu came rushing from his swanky motorbike!
"Dad.....!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Are you nuts? Mumma, why don’t you make him understand? I have a standing among my mates! They think, I am the son of a big time businessman!!
My foot! Why the hell did not you tell me, what stuff he gifted me on my birthday?
You know what’s it called?
Damn...!!
He gifted me a khaadi shirt???? Khaadiiiiii?? Can you believe that?
You realize how the guyz made fun of me??
Probably you don’t because dad never had any dress sense! But I needed clothes to suit my bike and gizmos!
I want to have new attire by evening!
And listen...i just saw this new N82!
Get that for me before any of my friends get a hand on it!”
Mr Parekh kept reading newspaper...with an eye on his old cell phone........all dejected...dispointed...head hanging low...
I was watching it all..!
==================================================================
MR PAREKH...we are sorry...! The supply has all dried up...even if you in pay in advance, the delivery have been booked for next 8 months! We have received amazing Prices for it!
Though, being a friend I will suggest you! Better shift to some other business! Shut it down! Or just take a franchise for any of the big retail boy! They are Bigger than you...! When surrendering your ownership can make you more prosper, whats the need of being your own owner..!?
Afterall, paisa bolta hai sarkar...!”
Mr parekh kept mum with a wry smile....all dejected...dispointed..Head hanging low...
I was watching it all..!
=============================================================
Those were the days...traders and farmers sitting together...making deals...the business ran on trust, credit and co-operation...the sound of Seth ji, used to Give amazing highs...!
Tackling customers...going back to home...gifting plain white, cream colored linegrie to wife and her reacting as if it was a wedding night gift...kids Were rooted...the focus was on 'sanskaar'! Worldly things will come and go...
But now we live in a globalized world...we thought economics says, 2 plus 2 equals to four...but now just four is there...noone wants to know four requires some inputs as well...
Probably, new economy is helping people become 'intelligent' and enable the country to get modernized.
Dipti was right, I have become obsolete...!
“Ramu…… shut the shop....forever..!
Mr Parekh was walking back to the home...and he stopped midway...looking for victoria's secret gallery and nokia gallery..!
He was no more dejected...disappointed....he is obsolete now...
Yes, i, Ramu, watched this all...!
Saturday, 29 December 2007
White Stick
Hi,
Greetings,
Its not so quiet evening, with kids running here and there in the middle of the busy streets. I was lying still. Body was not moving but thoughts were moving at the speed of....well...as only thoughts can! Wondering about my existence! My purpose! My contribution! It has taken a complete civilization to understand my own self!
I have been subject to numerous researchs, experiments and criticism! So, that at least keeps me constantly in news! I have never shied away from the attention I have been getting! A complete privilege, indeed!
But, then, half of the world feasts on me and other half is hell bent on destroying me. Even those who love me, blame me for all the troubles. I wonder, why? I have always been loyal. A delight. A soother. Then why they want to eradicate me for mistakes, which were never intentional on my part. I have been used, misused. But I have also been customised, decorated, provided with best of care, ultimately to sacrifice myself!
Have you seen how people care about sacrificial lamb? They feed him, nourish him, and keep him healthy. All this is done, just to consume him, finally.
Writers have written books on me! Compared me with all the sins and pleasures!
But am I more harmful than other eternal favourites of writers?
They talk about females! Descendents of Venus! True. They are. Fascinating. Intelligentsia fantasises about female beauty! Their anatomy! But think of me! Am I less beautiful? I think I am exquisite. World is crazy after triple headed beast of 36-24-36! A rare occurrence yet, admired, craved to no end! Even if one of the measures is not balanced, it takes a complete lifetime to get them in shape! Women deceive themselves on account of these number games! And Men are made to deceive under this numerological trap!
Whereas, i, always slim, well proportionate! No issue of fat, diet, out of shape! Whatever you put inside me, I am containing it. I don’t even increase men's perennial confusion! How many men are sure about what whether they would prefer, Angelina jolie's lips or Meg Ryan’s? Whereas, I will always come ever so smoothly on your lips! No tantrums! Just kiss me softly, and I will please you until my last breath.
One of my masters says, girls are cruel and I could not agree more.
You never need to make any extensive preparation for me, no apprehensions, no fear of cruel reactions, no ego, no oversmartness, and no petrified emotions!
Trust me!
So often, they talk about love and beloved ones. Illusive love! Understanding between two fools or plain need based compromise or best way to deceive yourself or just something beyond an ordinary human's realm of definiton!? What’s common between me and love? We both are addictive! We both finally die! But that is it.
I am better than love. Think, how?
Love burns your being, your emotions and finally you! Whereas I burn myself to please you. I destroy myself to calm your nerves.ok; you can blame me for harming
You as well! But then, by the time I harm you, didnt you had unlimited pleasure? Didn’t I ease the pressure on your semantic sensory feelings? You completely used me, misused me, and behaved as you wanted. I never protested. Now think about love? One night of immense pleasure and two nights of tears. Love makes you anxious; woried, craving, desperate and I provide the solution for all these. If I affect in the final analysis then love also does that! You can cure my affect but can you ever cure love's after effect? If I am hazardous physically, love does it on emotional and mental plane!
Physically you can recover, emotionally ...well....! ?
You don’t trust me? Ok, take this famous comment, "I thought I couldn't afford to take her out and smoke as well. So I gave up fag. Then I took her out and one day I looked at her and thought: "Oh well," and I went back to breathing fire again, and that was better"!
See, Even great minds justify my usefulness.
Do think honestly. Think rationally. I may be bad but better than bigger vices of girls and love.
Take my artistic worth! Many writers have produced their work based on my shape! I can be circular, weirdly shaped and more so even shapeless! Lovers try to create faces of their beloved in my shape or rather shapelessness! Watching my smoke coming out of 84 MM length reminds you of watching a girl dance out of her dress. I have even received many compliments. One which truly honours me is, by Gulzar-
"Itna lamba kash lo yaar ki dum nikal jaaye,
Zindagi sulgaaye yaaro gam nikal jaaye!"
Now that’s some compliment. Though, my feet are firmly established in ‘plants’.
Always available at you fingertips, my serene white colour contains a sweet elixir. I carry it and kill myself slowly just for the sake of two legged animals. While kissing me, keep silent and think of fire in your mind and heart.afterall, world is nothing but a jumbled collection of wind and smoke.
Well, you can try to leave me but think of the missing factor.
You will feel fit. Suicidal but fit.
You will feel different. Slightly irritable, moody, deprssed but you will feel different.
Lungs will be fine, but mouth will be aching to suck me. But lungs will be fine.
Now I will take your leave. My master is craving for me! And it feels good to be kissed by him.
Breathe my fire, fuel your desire and let the life burn itself as destined!
Sometimes, you don’t feel like living unless you are killing yourself.
P.S- Smoking is injurious to health.
Adios.
Faithfully yours...
White stick.
Greetings,
Its not so quiet evening, with kids running here and there in the middle of the busy streets. I was lying still. Body was not moving but thoughts were moving at the speed of....well...as only thoughts can! Wondering about my existence! My purpose! My contribution! It has taken a complete civilization to understand my own self!
I have been subject to numerous researchs, experiments and criticism! So, that at least keeps me constantly in news! I have never shied away from the attention I have been getting! A complete privilege, indeed!
But, then, half of the world feasts on me and other half is hell bent on destroying me. Even those who love me, blame me for all the troubles. I wonder, why? I have always been loyal. A delight. A soother. Then why they want to eradicate me for mistakes, which were never intentional on my part. I have been used, misused. But I have also been customised, decorated, provided with best of care, ultimately to sacrifice myself!
Have you seen how people care about sacrificial lamb? They feed him, nourish him, and keep him healthy. All this is done, just to consume him, finally.
Writers have written books on me! Compared me with all the sins and pleasures!
But am I more harmful than other eternal favourites of writers?
They talk about females! Descendents of Venus! True. They are. Fascinating. Intelligentsia fantasises about female beauty! Their anatomy! But think of me! Am I less beautiful? I think I am exquisite. World is crazy after triple headed beast of 36-24-36! A rare occurrence yet, admired, craved to no end! Even if one of the measures is not balanced, it takes a complete lifetime to get them in shape! Women deceive themselves on account of these number games! And Men are made to deceive under this numerological trap!
Whereas, i, always slim, well proportionate! No issue of fat, diet, out of shape! Whatever you put inside me, I am containing it. I don’t even increase men's perennial confusion! How many men are sure about what whether they would prefer, Angelina jolie's lips or Meg Ryan’s? Whereas, I will always come ever so smoothly on your lips! No tantrums! Just kiss me softly, and I will please you until my last breath.
One of my masters says, girls are cruel and I could not agree more.
You never need to make any extensive preparation for me, no apprehensions, no fear of cruel reactions, no ego, no oversmartness, and no petrified emotions!
Trust me!
So often, they talk about love and beloved ones. Illusive love! Understanding between two fools or plain need based compromise or best way to deceive yourself or just something beyond an ordinary human's realm of definiton!? What’s common between me and love? We both are addictive! We both finally die! But that is it.
I am better than love. Think, how?
Love burns your being, your emotions and finally you! Whereas I burn myself to please you. I destroy myself to calm your nerves.ok; you can blame me for harming
You as well! But then, by the time I harm you, didnt you had unlimited pleasure? Didn’t I ease the pressure on your semantic sensory feelings? You completely used me, misused me, and behaved as you wanted. I never protested. Now think about love? One night of immense pleasure and two nights of tears. Love makes you anxious; woried, craving, desperate and I provide the solution for all these. If I affect in the final analysis then love also does that! You can cure my affect but can you ever cure love's after effect? If I am hazardous physically, love does it on emotional and mental plane!
Physically you can recover, emotionally ...well....! ?
You don’t trust me? Ok, take this famous comment, "I thought I couldn't afford to take her out and smoke as well. So I gave up fag. Then I took her out and one day I looked at her and thought: "Oh well," and I went back to breathing fire again, and that was better"!
See, Even great minds justify my usefulness.
Do think honestly. Think rationally. I may be bad but better than bigger vices of girls and love.
Take my artistic worth! Many writers have produced their work based on my shape! I can be circular, weirdly shaped and more so even shapeless! Lovers try to create faces of their beloved in my shape or rather shapelessness! Watching my smoke coming out of 84 MM length reminds you of watching a girl dance out of her dress. I have even received many compliments. One which truly honours me is, by Gulzar-
"Itna lamba kash lo yaar ki dum nikal jaaye,
Zindagi sulgaaye yaaro gam nikal jaaye!"
Now that’s some compliment. Though, my feet are firmly established in ‘plants’.
Always available at you fingertips, my serene white colour contains a sweet elixir. I carry it and kill myself slowly just for the sake of two legged animals. While kissing me, keep silent and think of fire in your mind and heart.afterall, world is nothing but a jumbled collection of wind and smoke.
Well, you can try to leave me but think of the missing factor.
You will feel fit. Suicidal but fit.
You will feel different. Slightly irritable, moody, deprssed but you will feel different.
Lungs will be fine, but mouth will be aching to suck me. But lungs will be fine.
Now I will take your leave. My master is craving for me! And it feels good to be kissed by him.
Breathe my fire, fuel your desire and let the life burn itself as destined!
Sometimes, you don’t feel like living unless you are killing yourself.
P.S- Smoking is injurious to health.
Adios.
Faithfully yours...
White stick.
Jigsaw Memoirs -5(The End)
That was the only mistake I committed. Because I knew my mistakes could slowly fuel my mental destruction, and will eventually leave me with nothing.
But soon enough, I made the top echelons forget that episode with my subsequent performances. With time flying by, my targets kept on being more specific and elite! Politicians, business tycoons, famous celebrities kept on adding themselves to my victim lists.
It was a high seeing fears on these faces in their times of reckoning! Those very public faces always belied a fake confidence and self-belief which actually stood naked when they faced death. In the privacy of their bedrooms, there always was nervousness, tension, fear of losing it all and 'will it last long' Question hanging from their bitter faces!
It used to be an ecstatic feeling finding their destiny in my hands! One push of my finger, and they are gone!
I swear, I could not have traded this power with any other thing in my life!
The power of controlling others destiny and the power of being able to be a slave to Amanda!
===========================================================================
We just completed two years living together! We colored the world with the hues of our passion! We could not have enough of each other! Our love makings never needed any aphrodisiac.
When I found shades of meek mermaid, I nurtured her. Holding her in my arms as if this is all she needed. When I found her rousing Lioness streak, I surrendered...
Waiting to be burnt in her burning desires!
Waiting to be a victim of her claws!
Waiting to be lost in the maze of her never ending tresses!
Waiting to be scratched from her shining nose ring!
Whenever I found her teeth in my neck, it was a feeling of all of my pains being sucked away!
It was a stress reliever seeing many mischiefs dancing on her little nose!
Her expertise in household affairs did not leave me with any scope of even a single complaint!
Her temper, was little volatile but when you are in love; you embrace that anger because you find it an added attraction!
Don’t we love "despite" instead of "because"?
One of those unending nights,
Amanda, am I a stupid mortal trying to mark my place in the world?
Or am I a lost Fool trying to find my place in the world?
Or am I a twisted Monster dreaming for happiness in my hollow world?
Won’t you please judge me fairly as I am trying to bring forth my dreams to reality...!!
she took my head in her lap and almost whispered, Let the world break you down as if you care, you have got nothing more to lose, like shattered glass!
Fly into those Pieces you are already torn and you know what, there’s a way to shine, if there's a will! And you have plenty of them...you always say, you tend to hide in your dreams, so I tell you 'not to sleep'...just keep loving me...!
She never questioned my frequent night absence! She did not feel like asking and I did not feel like explaining!
Though, lately, whenever we made love, somehow, i started having uneasy vibes of her body not following her soul! The rhythm of her skin was not in sync with mine! I glanced at her and her eyes said nothing!
=======================================================================
It was her desire of having a baby! I was not comfortable with the idea but did not resist either! I was sceptical about my own ability of being a good Father...she understood it and assured me!
People say that life screws us all....well, I just thought! You know what, Daniel? I think its time to grab a hold of life, bend it over and say: "Alright Life...now it’s your turn...! What the heck..!
Who knows, probably my not having a good childhood would have resulted into my turning into a good father!
And when I held little Meryl for the first time in my trembling hands, I realized what I would have missed! The joy was beyond my existence!
I had never cried so much! I had never cared so much!
Destiny had just changed! I had just become father! A proud father...
I love you Amanda!
===========================================================================
And in my profession...i was just promoted...Meryl had brought me luck...rather than being a mere pawn, i was incorporated in the decision making hierarchy!
Now I could order instead of executing them! I had to study, analyze and strategise about our targets! Though, supposedly, i became more powerful, I started Going restless! I was itching for action..!
The sight of blood...the sound of bang bang! And finally, my eternal aphrodisiac, 'power'! I was missing that power..!
Though, number of killings had decreased! We were firmly established as the instigator of fear factor! Frequent killings had given way to short calls!
Wanting to have a pie of this lucrative industry, new sharks had started rearing their heads! Time had come....action was about to begin!
==========================================================================
What makes one stop loving? What makes one's love for his soul mate reduce?
Loyalty?
Boredom?
Or just a forceful wave of emotions for someone else?
Did I err? Or I failed to revitalise the already rejuvenated relation?
I never got any warning! I never saw it coming! Love makes you take things granted! But then, girls are ruthless and love is barbaric!
More so a lady is like a secret about a secret. The more it tells you, the less you know...
=========================================================================
For one month, I remained thoroughly engrossed in my work! I forgot Amanda, I forgot Meryl! It was time to pay back to my calling! It was time to pay for my Things which had given me, identity, power, dignity and sense of being alive! The sharks had to be tackled in the best way possible!
Elimination was the only word, doing the rounds!
How, why, where? That’s all I had to decide!
I was given a free hand! And brutality was unleashed! I did not hear bang bang for a month!
All I heard was, it’s done!
One more done!
One more gone!
Clear!
....finally...the ruthless efficiency reined! A job well done..!
And one fine day, chief told me, how good you look when dressed in rage. Your enemies are rather fortunate that your condition is not permanent. And you're Lucky too because Red eyes suit so few...I instantly knew, I was ready for even bigger roles!
The only regret was...not being in the arena...performing actions...!
==========================================================================
And when I came back....on the onset of Christmas...
I did not know, Santa Clause had brought me this gift..!
Somebody woke up on the wrong side of the... universe that day...
Few anonymous calls!
Amanda not so willing to make love!
Probably, PMS...
Probably...post pregnancy syndrome...
Probably mood swings...temper...
But how long?
Bolted door and hours long whispers!
"What’s wrong"?
"I do have a personal life and I don’t really feel like welcoming any questions!"
Ok...i will wait...
I did...days...weeks...
"Why don’t you just kill me with the love you won't give to me and fill the wound with salt....? I want to feel it bleed...bleed profusely...
I continued...
"Why don’t you just share, what it is?.."
"I wouldn’t prefer to explain it! I think, every relationship comes up with an expiry period! The other guy fascinates me even more! Call it love or whatever!
Though, I still care for you...!"
When lightening strikes you, normally you are not alive to feel it..!
I did...was I shattered? Broken? Or completely numb?...let me find another metaphor..!
"No other reasons?" I murmured...
"Not at all...isnt it all very natural? We never had any promises. We did not even marry...! I just got bored honey!"
Fair enough...
Trap of emotions..!
I hate these tears! They always have to come out in most inappropriate moments! They love to disclose your heart condition! They love to make your already Shattered heart appears even more fragile! In those times, they work for the ones who broke you! These tears are the ultimate ditcher..!
The regret of not being in the arena...not performing my perfected actions started resurfacing...!
I looked at sleeping Meryl..! Don’t worry angel..! I will be guarding you..!
===========================================================================================
Amanda was looking beautiful...! Her closed eyes yet again, revealed nothing! The marvel statue glistened even more! Not a single flow..!
The bosom still felt Alive as if the heart inside wouldn’t want to stay away from those perfectly carved curves! The cloud of black tresses were swimming in the red liquid flowing Underneath her...I touched her face...red colour suited her...it symbolized her passion...love...spirit...
And it just completed the picture...the art...!
I kept on holding her...didnt I want this all my life? Didn’t she want this always?
Target had to be her heart..! That’s the place I belonged to...
Just two shot...
"I love you Amanda...more than ever before...
And I love you more than you do..!" and I kissed her goodbye...! A kiss of death!
=======================================================================
I was back to my farm...lying down on the soil...feeling the dead body of my unwed wife, which was nourishing the corn on the tilled land and corn had just Started Growing...it’s a green burial and a sight to behold...yes, she is buried beneath...even after her death. I can still feel her...
I religiously keep a bunch of white roses for her...it was supposed to be her job but nevertheless, I am performing it...
I wish you were happy... that's all...
Sometimes I just tear my heart open but I sew myself shut. Probably my weakness was that I cared too much. And my scars keep on reminding me that the past is More than real. I just tear my heart open, only to feel. Probably you've had enough of it all, but then, you left me here to wait!
And I, all over again started feeling the rustic mix of red blood and black emotions...
Until.....
"Father, where are you?..Its getting dark....wont you come back...?!!"
But soon enough, I made the top echelons forget that episode with my subsequent performances. With time flying by, my targets kept on being more specific and elite! Politicians, business tycoons, famous celebrities kept on adding themselves to my victim lists.
It was a high seeing fears on these faces in their times of reckoning! Those very public faces always belied a fake confidence and self-belief which actually stood naked when they faced death. In the privacy of their bedrooms, there always was nervousness, tension, fear of losing it all and 'will it last long' Question hanging from their bitter faces!
It used to be an ecstatic feeling finding their destiny in my hands! One push of my finger, and they are gone!
I swear, I could not have traded this power with any other thing in my life!
The power of controlling others destiny and the power of being able to be a slave to Amanda!
===========================================================================
We just completed two years living together! We colored the world with the hues of our passion! We could not have enough of each other! Our love makings never needed any aphrodisiac.
When I found shades of meek mermaid, I nurtured her. Holding her in my arms as if this is all she needed. When I found her rousing Lioness streak, I surrendered...
Waiting to be burnt in her burning desires!
Waiting to be a victim of her claws!
Waiting to be lost in the maze of her never ending tresses!
Waiting to be scratched from her shining nose ring!
Whenever I found her teeth in my neck, it was a feeling of all of my pains being sucked away!
It was a stress reliever seeing many mischiefs dancing on her little nose!
Her expertise in household affairs did not leave me with any scope of even a single complaint!
Her temper, was little volatile but when you are in love; you embrace that anger because you find it an added attraction!
Don’t we love "despite" instead of "because"?
One of those unending nights,
Amanda, am I a stupid mortal trying to mark my place in the world?
Or am I a lost Fool trying to find my place in the world?
Or am I a twisted Monster dreaming for happiness in my hollow world?
Won’t you please judge me fairly as I am trying to bring forth my dreams to reality...!!
she took my head in her lap and almost whispered, Let the world break you down as if you care, you have got nothing more to lose, like shattered glass!
Fly into those Pieces you are already torn and you know what, there’s a way to shine, if there's a will! And you have plenty of them...you always say, you tend to hide in your dreams, so I tell you 'not to sleep'...just keep loving me...!
She never questioned my frequent night absence! She did not feel like asking and I did not feel like explaining!
Though, lately, whenever we made love, somehow, i started having uneasy vibes of her body not following her soul! The rhythm of her skin was not in sync with mine! I glanced at her and her eyes said nothing!
=======================================================================
It was her desire of having a baby! I was not comfortable with the idea but did not resist either! I was sceptical about my own ability of being a good Father...she understood it and assured me!
People say that life screws us all....well, I just thought! You know what, Daniel? I think its time to grab a hold of life, bend it over and say: "Alright Life...now it’s your turn...! What the heck..!
Who knows, probably my not having a good childhood would have resulted into my turning into a good father!
And when I held little Meryl for the first time in my trembling hands, I realized what I would have missed! The joy was beyond my existence!
I had never cried so much! I had never cared so much!
Destiny had just changed! I had just become father! A proud father...
I love you Amanda!
===========================================================================
And in my profession...i was just promoted...Meryl had brought me luck...rather than being a mere pawn, i was incorporated in the decision making hierarchy!
Now I could order instead of executing them! I had to study, analyze and strategise about our targets! Though, supposedly, i became more powerful, I started Going restless! I was itching for action..!
The sight of blood...the sound of bang bang! And finally, my eternal aphrodisiac, 'power'! I was missing that power..!
Though, number of killings had decreased! We were firmly established as the instigator of fear factor! Frequent killings had given way to short calls!
Wanting to have a pie of this lucrative industry, new sharks had started rearing their heads! Time had come....action was about to begin!
==========================================================================
What makes one stop loving? What makes one's love for his soul mate reduce?
Loyalty?
Boredom?
Or just a forceful wave of emotions for someone else?
Did I err? Or I failed to revitalise the already rejuvenated relation?
I never got any warning! I never saw it coming! Love makes you take things granted! But then, girls are ruthless and love is barbaric!
More so a lady is like a secret about a secret. The more it tells you, the less you know...
=========================================================================
For one month, I remained thoroughly engrossed in my work! I forgot Amanda, I forgot Meryl! It was time to pay back to my calling! It was time to pay for my Things which had given me, identity, power, dignity and sense of being alive! The sharks had to be tackled in the best way possible!
Elimination was the only word, doing the rounds!
How, why, where? That’s all I had to decide!
I was given a free hand! And brutality was unleashed! I did not hear bang bang for a month!
All I heard was, it’s done!
One more done!
One more gone!
Clear!
....finally...the ruthless efficiency reined! A job well done..!
And one fine day, chief told me, how good you look when dressed in rage. Your enemies are rather fortunate that your condition is not permanent. And you're Lucky too because Red eyes suit so few...I instantly knew, I was ready for even bigger roles!
The only regret was...not being in the arena...performing actions...!
==========================================================================
And when I came back....on the onset of Christmas...
I did not know, Santa Clause had brought me this gift..!
Somebody woke up on the wrong side of the... universe that day...
Few anonymous calls!
Amanda not so willing to make love!
Probably, PMS...
Probably...post pregnancy syndrome...
Probably mood swings...temper...
But how long?
Bolted door and hours long whispers!
"What’s wrong"?
"I do have a personal life and I don’t really feel like welcoming any questions!"
Ok...i will wait...
I did...days...weeks...
"Why don’t you just kill me with the love you won't give to me and fill the wound with salt....? I want to feel it bleed...bleed profusely...
I continued...
"Why don’t you just share, what it is?.."
"I wouldn’t prefer to explain it! I think, every relationship comes up with an expiry period! The other guy fascinates me even more! Call it love or whatever!
Though, I still care for you...!"
When lightening strikes you, normally you are not alive to feel it..!
I did...was I shattered? Broken? Or completely numb?...let me find another metaphor..!
"No other reasons?" I murmured...
"Not at all...isnt it all very natural? We never had any promises. We did not even marry...! I just got bored honey!"
Fair enough...
Trap of emotions..!
I hate these tears! They always have to come out in most inappropriate moments! They love to disclose your heart condition! They love to make your already Shattered heart appears even more fragile! In those times, they work for the ones who broke you! These tears are the ultimate ditcher..!
The regret of not being in the arena...not performing my perfected actions started resurfacing...!
I looked at sleeping Meryl..! Don’t worry angel..! I will be guarding you..!
===========================================================================================
Amanda was looking beautiful...! Her closed eyes yet again, revealed nothing! The marvel statue glistened even more! Not a single flow..!
The bosom still felt Alive as if the heart inside wouldn’t want to stay away from those perfectly carved curves! The cloud of black tresses were swimming in the red liquid flowing Underneath her...I touched her face...red colour suited her...it symbolized her passion...love...spirit...
And it just completed the picture...the art...!
I kept on holding her...didnt I want this all my life? Didn’t she want this always?
Target had to be her heart..! That’s the place I belonged to...
Just two shot...
"I love you Amanda...more than ever before...
And I love you more than you do..!" and I kissed her goodbye...! A kiss of death!
=======================================================================
I was back to my farm...lying down on the soil...feeling the dead body of my unwed wife, which was nourishing the corn on the tilled land and corn had just Started Growing...it’s a green burial and a sight to behold...yes, she is buried beneath...even after her death. I can still feel her...
I religiously keep a bunch of white roses for her...it was supposed to be her job but nevertheless, I am performing it...
I wish you were happy... that's all...
Sometimes I just tear my heart open but I sew myself shut. Probably my weakness was that I cared too much. And my scars keep on reminding me that the past is More than real. I just tear my heart open, only to feel. Probably you've had enough of it all, but then, you left me here to wait!
And I, all over again started feeling the rustic mix of red blood and black emotions...
Until.....
"Father, where are you?..Its getting dark....wont you come back...?!!"
Jigsaw Memoirs- 4
Slowly I started gathering reputation in my work. No-nonsense attitude, hundred percent track records was taking me to new highs. My evolution was faster than the light. Nothing in the whole universe could keep up with my evolution.
I spoke less and thought more.
In this world, having friends amounted to nurturing potential rivals. So, I had none. I was not into daily affairs of the organization. Even we had hierarchy and Departments. Being a sniper was a tough job but extremely enjoyable and satisfying. One needed to be accurate with a non-wavering concentration. There were few More like me and depending upon the timing, locality and expertise we were assigned our respective tasks.
May the demons of invisible inspiration flow through my veins endlessly...it was a pleasure touching the blood of different humans, once they were dead...
At times I wondered, if I am cut in two pieces, instaed of blood oozing out, pieces of that metallic beauty would come out with a sound of bang bang...! Wouldn’t that be a right dedication to the profession I love?!
I was living a double life. I chose arts as my subject because it fascinated me to no end.infact; art and killing were almost similar. Both have no methods, no Logics behind it. But both possess an inherent beauty. One could just feel it. It comes from inside. When one kilss, it kind of paints a beautiful picture. Instead of brush and colors, one uses metallic beauty and blood. And the end product is almost similar.
One always feels, it could have been slightly better. A Bit more refined, a bit more contrast, and few more drops of blood. Now it appears wonderful!
A job well done, finally!
She held my hands and clutched it hard. I felt a lump in my throat. A craving, desire and an eternal wish of losing myself to someone, to Amanda! Her eyes said nothing!
I felt like saying nothing! It was complete dark with few streetlights devouring it of complete dominance. We sat in the garden firmly holding each other’s hand. I felt a touch of her beautiful bosom. She did not react and I kissed on her cheeks.
Goosebumps!
She should have kissed me back...!
She should have refused me!?
Just a silent smile and her whisper followed..."Give me something good to die for... To make it beautiful to live"!
And Mother Nature witnessed a beautiful amalgamation of two broken, thirsty souls...
Her body was carved like marble statues...smooth as silk...not a single flaw…
Eyes started speaking...
“I love you Amanda..! “
It was hard to differentiate between her divine anatomy and purity of dewdrops scattered on surface! Which one was more pure!
The winter fog had given way to summer heat and in a moment of bliss, I had found elixir! I just had an encounter with divine...
I was witnessing a grand scenario of her true self...a placid, calm lake giving way to fiery furnace...one was making me swim and the other was burning me...I Could never decipher which one I enjoyed more...
"I love you even more Amanda...!"
"Daniel, My soul is old but my body is new, you and I are forever eternal, all I have to do is find you. Can you find me as well?"
I needed not to answer...i trusted her to understand from my silence...there was no one else to be trusted...
I could feel her tears rolling out from those magical eyes! It was tears of ecstasy!
I don’t remember how long it lasted but when it did, I felt as if it has just started...
She murmured...What is essential is invisible to the eye...our love...we both are angels with only one wing and we can only fly by embracing each other..
"Daniel, I love you more than you do..."
"I wish..!I just wished...!"
I did not realize that I was falling in trap...a trap of emotions...which further leads to expectation..!
Right through my years, I was this guy with controlled measures...emotions make you more humane but then it also makes you vulnerable to failure..!
No wonder, I was living a beautiful dream...
But, now I had started feeling...emoting...expressing...day dreaming...wanting to have her company all day through...
Meet her...see her...feel her...touch her...smell her...and what not?!
But there was no escape route...!
==========================================================================
"O death, come away, come away!
And in sad world of mine, let me be laid..."
My mother was wailing...i passed through her room...and after years...i heard her voice...!
"Why are you alive?"...
Don’t you get tired of seeing me?
You are worst than our father...!"
She continued for almost an hour...i started feeling a surge of rushing blood in my veins...
I was used to her hateful stares...and it never affected me...
But today everything seemed changed..!
I was living an out of the world experince...my professional life is going good...I am rapidly climbing the hierarchical stairs...
I am in love...
Now everything needs to be perfect..!
I don’t have any idea, where those two melodious sounds of bang bang came from!
"Sound of bang bang...it was a real turn on for me..!"
I had no desire to kill my biological mother..!But I just did...with same precision...and single minded-ness!
But why did not she get tired of hating me!?
Why did not she notice, what you take doesn’t kills you
But she should have been careful about what she was giving!
Her hatred healed me for long..!..Thanks,mother!
I kept her head in my lap for hours...!
Outside, stars were falling like tears from the past!..But let’s keep singing...
"O death, come away, come away!
And in sad world of mine, let me be laid..."
Amen...
"I love you mother...."
Life remained unchanged...and love kept on increasing...to the extent of addiction...
But then, love is always an addiction...you can’t have enough of your beloved..!
Our mornings used to start by calling each other...our nights culminated by calling again...sweet nothings..teasing..understanding..sharing..caring...and finally falling asleep...
We had no choice...so, soon, I and Amanda were shifting together...the distance was getting unbearable...
In between, I committed my first mistake of not finishing a target along with his family...! I spared target's kid...
"Trap of emotions..."
I spoke less and thought more.
In this world, having friends amounted to nurturing potential rivals. So, I had none. I was not into daily affairs of the organization. Even we had hierarchy and Departments. Being a sniper was a tough job but extremely enjoyable and satisfying. One needed to be accurate with a non-wavering concentration. There were few More like me and depending upon the timing, locality and expertise we were assigned our respective tasks.
May the demons of invisible inspiration flow through my veins endlessly...it was a pleasure touching the blood of different humans, once they were dead...
At times I wondered, if I am cut in two pieces, instaed of blood oozing out, pieces of that metallic beauty would come out with a sound of bang bang...! Wouldn’t that be a right dedication to the profession I love?!
I was living a double life. I chose arts as my subject because it fascinated me to no end.infact; art and killing were almost similar. Both have no methods, no Logics behind it. But both possess an inherent beauty. One could just feel it. It comes from inside. When one kilss, it kind of paints a beautiful picture. Instead of brush and colors, one uses metallic beauty and blood. And the end product is almost similar.
One always feels, it could have been slightly better. A Bit more refined, a bit more contrast, and few more drops of blood. Now it appears wonderful!
A job well done, finally!
She held my hands and clutched it hard. I felt a lump in my throat. A craving, desire and an eternal wish of losing myself to someone, to Amanda! Her eyes said nothing!
I felt like saying nothing! It was complete dark with few streetlights devouring it of complete dominance. We sat in the garden firmly holding each other’s hand. I felt a touch of her beautiful bosom. She did not react and I kissed on her cheeks.
Goosebumps!
She should have kissed me back...!
She should have refused me!?
Just a silent smile and her whisper followed..."Give me something good to die for... To make it beautiful to live"!
And Mother Nature witnessed a beautiful amalgamation of two broken, thirsty souls...
Her body was carved like marble statues...smooth as silk...not a single flaw…
Eyes started speaking...
“I love you Amanda..! “
It was hard to differentiate between her divine anatomy and purity of dewdrops scattered on surface! Which one was more pure!
The winter fog had given way to summer heat and in a moment of bliss, I had found elixir! I just had an encounter with divine...
I was witnessing a grand scenario of her true self...a placid, calm lake giving way to fiery furnace...one was making me swim and the other was burning me...I Could never decipher which one I enjoyed more...
"I love you even more Amanda...!"
"Daniel, My soul is old but my body is new, you and I are forever eternal, all I have to do is find you. Can you find me as well?"
I needed not to answer...i trusted her to understand from my silence...there was no one else to be trusted...
I could feel her tears rolling out from those magical eyes! It was tears of ecstasy!
I don’t remember how long it lasted but when it did, I felt as if it has just started...
She murmured...What is essential is invisible to the eye...our love...we both are angels with only one wing and we can only fly by embracing each other..
"Daniel, I love you more than you do..."
"I wish..!I just wished...!"
I did not realize that I was falling in trap...a trap of emotions...which further leads to expectation..!
Right through my years, I was this guy with controlled measures...emotions make you more humane but then it also makes you vulnerable to failure..!
No wonder, I was living a beautiful dream...
But, now I had started feeling...emoting...expressing...day dreaming...wanting to have her company all day through...
Meet her...see her...feel her...touch her...smell her...and what not?!
But there was no escape route...!
==========================================================================
"O death, come away, come away!
And in sad world of mine, let me be laid..."
My mother was wailing...i passed through her room...and after years...i heard her voice...!
"Why are you alive?"...
Don’t you get tired of seeing me?
You are worst than our father...!"
She continued for almost an hour...i started feeling a surge of rushing blood in my veins...
I was used to her hateful stares...and it never affected me...
But today everything seemed changed..!
I was living an out of the world experince...my professional life is going good...I am rapidly climbing the hierarchical stairs...
I am in love...
Now everything needs to be perfect..!
I don’t have any idea, where those two melodious sounds of bang bang came from!
"Sound of bang bang...it was a real turn on for me..!"
I had no desire to kill my biological mother..!But I just did...with same precision...and single minded-ness!
But why did not she get tired of hating me!?
Why did not she notice, what you take doesn’t kills you
But she should have been careful about what she was giving!
Her hatred healed me for long..!..Thanks,mother!
I kept her head in my lap for hours...!
Outside, stars were falling like tears from the past!..But let’s keep singing...
"O death, come away, come away!
And in sad world of mine, let me be laid..."
Amen...
"I love you mother...."
Life remained unchanged...and love kept on increasing...to the extent of addiction...
But then, love is always an addiction...you can’t have enough of your beloved..!
Our mornings used to start by calling each other...our nights culminated by calling again...sweet nothings..teasing..understanding..sharing..caring...and finally falling asleep...
We had no choice...so, soon, I and Amanda were shifting together...the distance was getting unbearable...
In between, I committed my first mistake of not finishing a target along with his family...! I spared target's kid...
"Trap of emotions..."
Jigsaw Memoirs- 3
My work demanded me to have a dual personality, keeping a facade of no-nonsense attitude! And I felt I was doing a good job.
I was good at academics but there was this other side of mine which relished dark world...dark imagination, dark fantasies, dark real simulation!
I guess, I drew my inspiration from a story where protagonist lives a normal life during day time and as soon as clock turned 12 at midnight, he started having
This werewolf characteristic! A dual personality of man and beast!
I feel, a man is incomplete without beasts. In an imaginary world, if all beasts are gone, man would be deprived of solidarity of spirit! We humans always tend
To follow whatever happens to beasts.
I was just aware of this fact and did not want to go against the cycle of nature.
I don’t have even remotest idea, how does it feel to have a happy childhood..!
Guys used to bully me in school. They always mistook my silence as arrogance and repulse. Slowly I learned to tackle them. I joined them and thus opened door to unexplored world...inside the door, there was blood, courage, mystique and a great feeling akin of being atop mountains of macabre!
====================================================================================
Amanda and I were playing the game...i knew, though reluctantly, that i had fallen for her!
I was not sure how to approach her! I could not take a "No" from her, though she would not have said so!
On one hand I was apprehensive about my true identity and on the other hand I wanted to unleash my dormant passion.
Whenever I looked at her, I felt like holding her and planting the most passionate kiss humankind had ever witnessed!
And her eyes?! Well, they tried to show nothing! Yes, they tried....
The difference between a man and woman's in matters of heart is, a man would confess as soon as he can whereas a woman would prolong it as long as possible!
Unfortunately, this time, both were on the same side!
Finally, one sunny evening, lady luck smiled! Our eyes met and a silent greeting nod followed!
Few more good mornings...then few more smiles...and then language of eyes started changing!
College cafeteria...”two espresso!”
“No, one black coffee please!”
While offering her chair, I felt a sharp intake of breath and I had never witnessed something that gorgeous!
It must be her breath...
Clinical psychology was my profession but to girls, this subject comes when they are in womb.
And every time, I felt I was being dissected! Harder than previous time...
Perhaps it's time for me to stop being a whisperer and start being a Screamer!
================================================================
My first role in a crime was of a mute witness!
I watched in silence as others performed the job.
Blood in my veins were speeding my fear to the throat...my heart was pounding and bells were beating....it was midnight!
And I could not sleep for many nights!
I realized I still have a conscience...which was laden with cruel and vague imprints of time...
But it’s better to be scarred than average! Your life starts finding purpose...one just needs to let loose of it...
Time had come to perform my first job under the supervision of my seniors...
Instructions were simple...
I was handed this metallic beauty! It was chilling cold and heavy. And all of a sudden I felt responsible, grown up and a Man.
No wonder, it was a heady feeling.
I went over to the parked car...
Knocked the door...
Inside, an ugly man and a not so ugly lady were making out.
I had to shoot that man.
Bang....bang...
It’s done? Yes...it’s Done.
Lady was shocked, blood all spilled over her scared face, fat neck and half opened blouse...
I remembered my mother! And two more shots!
A job, well done!
"I had arrived "!
It was a night to remember!
And the cub was basking in the glory!..I was youngest in the gang..!
That was the first night, I slept peacefully....
And it happened...our first touch..!
We held hands...under the pretext of shaking hands...none of us moved our eyes away and none of us wanted to blink first!
Finally, I did!
Slightly embarassed, slight blush and waves of excitement erupting inside!
We started having weird but fascinating conversations!
One evening after, an interesting conversation, clandestine touch, meeting of eyes and few more cosy feelings...we started waking towards her hostel...
"I like you...."! She paused...
I said abruptly,"isnt it something we both are aware of!?"
"I know! She exclaimed, her nose ring shining bright in fading light!
She tossed her hair, held my hand and what followed were few words which later on defined our relationship...
“I want to Thank you for being here with me now...
If ever, I run away from you.
I want you to follow me like hounds...
Please, don't take away anything,
Even your sadness, which you have never shared with me...
And all the days that we've lived so far have left some or the other marks on me, without me even realizing that...
There isn't even one memory I don't need..."
A soft, tender, warm kiss on forehead...and night was shining even more bright...
And the beast was waking up…..!
I was good at academics but there was this other side of mine which relished dark world...dark imagination, dark fantasies, dark real simulation!
I guess, I drew my inspiration from a story where protagonist lives a normal life during day time and as soon as clock turned 12 at midnight, he started having
This werewolf characteristic! A dual personality of man and beast!
I feel, a man is incomplete without beasts. In an imaginary world, if all beasts are gone, man would be deprived of solidarity of spirit! We humans always tend
To follow whatever happens to beasts.
I was just aware of this fact and did not want to go against the cycle of nature.
I don’t have even remotest idea, how does it feel to have a happy childhood..!
Guys used to bully me in school. They always mistook my silence as arrogance and repulse. Slowly I learned to tackle them. I joined them and thus opened door to unexplored world...inside the door, there was blood, courage, mystique and a great feeling akin of being atop mountains of macabre!
====================================================================================
Amanda and I were playing the game...i knew, though reluctantly, that i had fallen for her!
I was not sure how to approach her! I could not take a "No" from her, though she would not have said so!
On one hand I was apprehensive about my true identity and on the other hand I wanted to unleash my dormant passion.
Whenever I looked at her, I felt like holding her and planting the most passionate kiss humankind had ever witnessed!
And her eyes?! Well, they tried to show nothing! Yes, they tried....
The difference between a man and woman's in matters of heart is, a man would confess as soon as he can whereas a woman would prolong it as long as possible!
Unfortunately, this time, both were on the same side!
Finally, one sunny evening, lady luck smiled! Our eyes met and a silent greeting nod followed!
Few more good mornings...then few more smiles...and then language of eyes started changing!
College cafeteria...”two espresso!”
“No, one black coffee please!”
While offering her chair, I felt a sharp intake of breath and I had never witnessed something that gorgeous!
It must be her breath...
Clinical psychology was my profession but to girls, this subject comes when they are in womb.
And every time, I felt I was being dissected! Harder than previous time...
Perhaps it's time for me to stop being a whisperer and start being a Screamer!
================================================================
My first role in a crime was of a mute witness!
I watched in silence as others performed the job.
Blood in my veins were speeding my fear to the throat...my heart was pounding and bells were beating....it was midnight!
And I could not sleep for many nights!
I realized I still have a conscience...which was laden with cruel and vague imprints of time...
But it’s better to be scarred than average! Your life starts finding purpose...one just needs to let loose of it...
Time had come to perform my first job under the supervision of my seniors...
Instructions were simple...
I was handed this metallic beauty! It was chilling cold and heavy. And all of a sudden I felt responsible, grown up and a Man.
No wonder, it was a heady feeling.
I went over to the parked car...
Knocked the door...
Inside, an ugly man and a not so ugly lady were making out.
I had to shoot that man.
Bang....bang...
It’s done? Yes...it’s Done.
Lady was shocked, blood all spilled over her scared face, fat neck and half opened blouse...
I remembered my mother! And two more shots!
A job, well done!
"I had arrived "!
It was a night to remember!
And the cub was basking in the glory!..I was youngest in the gang..!
That was the first night, I slept peacefully....
And it happened...our first touch..!
We held hands...under the pretext of shaking hands...none of us moved our eyes away and none of us wanted to blink first!
Finally, I did!
Slightly embarassed, slight blush and waves of excitement erupting inside!
We started having weird but fascinating conversations!
One evening after, an interesting conversation, clandestine touch, meeting of eyes and few more cosy feelings...we started waking towards her hostel...
"I like you...."! She paused...
I said abruptly,"isnt it something we both are aware of!?"
"I know! She exclaimed, her nose ring shining bright in fading light!
She tossed her hair, held my hand and what followed were few words which later on defined our relationship...
“I want to Thank you for being here with me now...
If ever, I run away from you.
I want you to follow me like hounds...
Please, don't take away anything,
Even your sadness, which you have never shared with me...
And all the days that we've lived so far have left some or the other marks on me, without me even realizing that...
There isn't even one memory I don't need..."
A soft, tender, warm kiss on forehead...and night was shining even more bright...
And the beast was waking up…..!
Jigsaw Memoirs- 2
Once again I was trying to sleep and as always the goddess of sleep had decided to betray me! I could never guess, whether she did not want me to lose to
Nocturnal mistress or she just loved watching me staring at her in utter darkness...
Whatever little I could manage to sleep, I dreamt a lot...doesn't Dreaming permits each and every one of us to be quietly and safely insane every night of our
Lives, away from prying eyes and worldly discriminations?
Suddenly a harsh noise disrupted my thought pattern...it was a sound of broken glass...
For once, I did not want to move but then I did.
The old lady was sitting blank...I glanced at her once...and silently picked up the broken pieces of glass...
She started at me...a poisonous, humiliatin stare, it was...just the way it was yesterday and day before yesterday and don’t remember now, since when!...
Even in a world of make believe, there has to be rules and here rule was my familiarity.
I was always very familiar with that stare...that particular...ever so consistent stare gave me a comfort...i was scared of imagining any other stare in those
Cold, brutal pair of hollow eye sockets...and I am comfortable with those eyes for more than two decades...
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Tring tring! Tring tring!
"Daniel"?
Yes...i replied...
"Another assignment is awaiting you!"...
I headed for my destination...closing the door behind..."
knocked the door.
A pretty lady with luscious long hair opened the door! There is something magical about long hair! Reminiscent of a web of dark clouds where you feel like
Drowning yourself and never to get up again...
I controlled my aesthetic emotions...and forced my way in...
A man in his mid-thirties and a 4-5 year old kid were dining together...the pretty lady seemed to be last cog in the complete family wheel.
What do you want? The person demanded!
"Your life"!!..I replied...
A faint line of glistening sweat started bustling on his forehead...
“You seemed to forget your deadline! I will count till five...i need the entire cash right in front of me!..”
"1......2......."
"I..... Cant... Ma..na..ge.."
3....4....5!
I smiled and said..."congratulations! You just wasted 5 seconds of your life! You fail! "
Who can pass judgement into foolish circle of war? I, all of a sudden, smiled to think that there is pride in bloodshed...
Three gun-shot!
It was all over...very swiftly...as always!
And a small family died happily ever after!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
By the way, old lady in question was, rather is, my mother...!
Since the time, I woke up to this world; I have always found her like this...
Few whispers say, I am an illegimate child!
Few other opine, old lady is an unwed mother...my father left her behind after conceiving me...
Few other knowledgeable persons claim, they had married, and after my birth, for some mysterious reasons, my mother poisoned him!..
(Poison must be very cheap compared to a human's life then...)
Few other more familiar and self-confessed intellectuals revealed I was adopted. But I came as a curse to this family and snatched my father's life and
Mother could never recover from that setback and lost her mental equilibrium...
Lastly, some dying whispers said, she had a very colourful youth. She is said to bless many thirsty souls, taking them under her ever flowing fountain of beauty
and amorosity!
Sometime one should just suck lies like sweet wine and some other time, I believed in, lies which were told to me...it helps in making the difference between truth and
Fiction going blurred...
I accepted all of the reasons and divine truth said above...Infact I might go on for long to justify one point and own another indefensible but then it is more
Honest to confess at once how little I am touched by the desire of accuracy...!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Daniel and that’s me, was known as a hard-working, no-nonsense lecturer. I used to teach clinical psychology.
That was my day time profession...far more respected profession than my actual, dark, passionate deeds performed in the silence of nights!
and i loved being isolated and focussed on task at hand...whatever it was!
I was relatively young when I joined this and as youth has it; this girl Amanda caught my fancy!
A brat to the core, she was an arrogant and badly behaved woman! But then, well behaved women rarely make history!
Chiselled features...well proportionate body...dusky...and not without my weak spot, long hairs....! But in the hindsight, she was far from perfect but then there is no such thing As perfect...a thing like flawless beauty would be blank without any appeal and character. Its scars (internal or external) are what define it and what
Inspires emotion... and from that moment, it becomes art...
She was junior to me and I could feel some, about to be ignited. long lost passions! I tried being oblivious to it but my ever so suppressed emotions were
Getting better of me...
every time, My common sense told me to listen to my muse; and everytime,even more fiercely, my muse told me to disregard my common sense! I knew, love heals but
Then for me hatred healed better than love!
Struggle was going on…..
Nocturnal mistress or she just loved watching me staring at her in utter darkness...
Whatever little I could manage to sleep, I dreamt a lot...doesn't Dreaming permits each and every one of us to be quietly and safely insane every night of our
Lives, away from prying eyes and worldly discriminations?
Suddenly a harsh noise disrupted my thought pattern...it was a sound of broken glass...
For once, I did not want to move but then I did.
The old lady was sitting blank...I glanced at her once...and silently picked up the broken pieces of glass...
She started at me...a poisonous, humiliatin stare, it was...just the way it was yesterday and day before yesterday and don’t remember now, since when!...
Even in a world of make believe, there has to be rules and here rule was my familiarity.
I was always very familiar with that stare...that particular...ever so consistent stare gave me a comfort...i was scared of imagining any other stare in those
Cold, brutal pair of hollow eye sockets...and I am comfortable with those eyes for more than two decades...
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Tring tring! Tring tring!
"Daniel"?
Yes...i replied...
"Another assignment is awaiting you!"...
I headed for my destination...closing the door behind..."
knocked the door.
A pretty lady with luscious long hair opened the door! There is something magical about long hair! Reminiscent of a web of dark clouds where you feel like
Drowning yourself and never to get up again...
I controlled my aesthetic emotions...and forced my way in...
A man in his mid-thirties and a 4-5 year old kid were dining together...the pretty lady seemed to be last cog in the complete family wheel.
What do you want? The person demanded!
"Your life"!!..I replied...
A faint line of glistening sweat started bustling on his forehead...
“You seemed to forget your deadline! I will count till five...i need the entire cash right in front of me!..”
"1......2......."
"I..... Cant... Ma..na..ge.."
3....4....5!
I smiled and said..."congratulations! You just wasted 5 seconds of your life! You fail! "
Who can pass judgement into foolish circle of war? I, all of a sudden, smiled to think that there is pride in bloodshed...
Three gun-shot!
It was all over...very swiftly...as always!
And a small family died happily ever after!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
By the way, old lady in question was, rather is, my mother...!
Since the time, I woke up to this world; I have always found her like this...
Few whispers say, I am an illegimate child!
Few other opine, old lady is an unwed mother...my father left her behind after conceiving me...
Few other knowledgeable persons claim, they had married, and after my birth, for some mysterious reasons, my mother poisoned him!..
(Poison must be very cheap compared to a human's life then...)
Few other more familiar and self-confessed intellectuals revealed I was adopted. But I came as a curse to this family and snatched my father's life and
Mother could never recover from that setback and lost her mental equilibrium...
Lastly, some dying whispers said, she had a very colourful youth. She is said to bless many thirsty souls, taking them under her ever flowing fountain of beauty
and amorosity!
Sometime one should just suck lies like sweet wine and some other time, I believed in, lies which were told to me...it helps in making the difference between truth and
Fiction going blurred...
I accepted all of the reasons and divine truth said above...Infact I might go on for long to justify one point and own another indefensible but then it is more
Honest to confess at once how little I am touched by the desire of accuracy...!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Daniel and that’s me, was known as a hard-working, no-nonsense lecturer. I used to teach clinical psychology.
That was my day time profession...far more respected profession than my actual, dark, passionate deeds performed in the silence of nights!
and i loved being isolated and focussed on task at hand...whatever it was!
I was relatively young when I joined this and as youth has it; this girl Amanda caught my fancy!
A brat to the core, she was an arrogant and badly behaved woman! But then, well behaved women rarely make history!
Chiselled features...well proportionate body...dusky...and not without my weak spot, long hairs....! But in the hindsight, she was far from perfect but then there is no such thing As perfect...a thing like flawless beauty would be blank without any appeal and character. Its scars (internal or external) are what define it and what
Inspires emotion... and from that moment, it becomes art...
She was junior to me and I could feel some, about to be ignited. long lost passions! I tried being oblivious to it but my ever so suppressed emotions were
Getting better of me...
every time, My common sense told me to listen to my muse; and everytime,even more fiercely, my muse told me to disregard my common sense! I knew, love heals but
Then for me hatred healed better than love!
Struggle was going on…..
Jigsaw Memoirs- 1
Having a house with a lakeside view is always a sight to cherish...it seemed like a virtual paradise amidst the crooning of colourful birds, sun settling its
Dust after its day long marathon...tranquillity of river making a splash in the untouched parts of my heart...
I
was taking a stroll nearby lake...creaking of fallen leaves was holding my nerves to ransom...whispering winds were gushing through my rough skin...
I loved toiling on my farm...nurturing the soil with my sweat...relishing the experience of my being and my solitude...and when I lie on the breast of mother
Earth, listening to its heartbeats, I felt like an artist lying on canvas to show people the truth...
I always had a thing for appearing calm, unruffled...but I just had a thing...inside, the four chambers were painted red blood coated with dark black emotions
Underneath...never realized, when blood and emotions got mixed up...whenever I smelled that brownish black soil which was known for its fertility and high
Yields, something inside just starts stirring up...rearing its head and innumerable neurons ache...
Sometimes truth is so horrible that it will haunt your dreams forever...
It pained and it pained until I heard that voice....
Father...
Father...where are you...its getting dark....wont you come back...?!
And all of a sudden I was at ease with myself...slowly gathering my composure back...back on the tired yet trusted feet’s...
Meryl!!! Where are you my love?
I am right behind you father...I could see her angelic face hugging my legs from behind...i took her in my arms and hugged my little joy...
That’s the joy of fatherhood...just one look at her face and everything gets buried...
She has oval face just like Amanda, her mother...her big eyes as deep as ocean...and a smile glancing through broken teeth...
Amanda was serving my favourite food...i loved watching her from the corners of my eyes...continuous dripping of warmth and affection...ever so graceful body
Language...sophistication is a virtue...with Amanda it was an unfailing regularity...
A woman cant be a good cook unless she prepares it with love...and whatever she cooked ,always bore a testimony of quality...i could never find a reason not
To find the food delicious...
I asked her, how was the day?
Quite perfect...she replied....
But the undertone gave me some other vibes...
Tell me, something bothering you sweetie?
No darling...not at all....smile still intact on her glossed lips....
There was something strange about my sensitivity! Quite weird...quite unreasonable but it had a bad habit of being right almost always...
I did not want to feel that she was not willing to tell me...lying is the most fun a girl can have without taking her clothes off...guess, it was Amanda’s
Style of having fun...
I took her in my arms...planted a deep kiss...was losing myself to her long tresses and full lips...
And I stopped...I just stopped...
You know, every person possesses a tool which has many shades, types, and performance matrix but its core is called feelings...that tool is feeling...people try
Reading, analyzing, interpreting your tool using their own tool and finally finding a perfect tool and striking at the heart's G-spot...
I did not find her there. Her body just contained an animal lust rather than usual passion...she was a strong lady...kind of a bitch in the street but femme in
The sheets type...Amanda wondered...and shrugged...
And night passed silently...very silently...
Meryl had to have her dinner from my hand...and a song running in the background...a story...
And her father...making her sleep on my lap was my religion...and i always fulfilled that...
Father, dont you miss mom?
I miss her terribly honey...
Then why you don’t you call her back?
Pin-drop silence...
Father??
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Never has there been a time, when I thought myself beautiful. I saw only my flaws when I looked in a mirror, and saw only the problems to fix.
Only ruined flesh, and scars. I saw only the pain inside and not the smile on my lips. Broken promises...
A turbulent childhood and scars of yore...
Amanda promised to heal those scars...without me ever asking for that...
Until that night...
sometimes loving means letting him/her go...and some other times it just means holding on to the other person as hard as possible because if I dont,one blink
And they might disappear...in our's case i am still wondering who disappeared..!!!
I was back to my farm...lying down on the soil...feeling the dead body of my wife which was nourishing the corn on the tilled land and corn had just started
Growing...it’s a green burial and a sight to behold...
And I, all over again started feeling the rustic mix of red blood and black emotions...
Dust after its day long marathon...tranquillity of river making a splash in the untouched parts of my heart...
I
was taking a stroll nearby lake...creaking of fallen leaves was holding my nerves to ransom...whispering winds were gushing through my rough skin...
I loved toiling on my farm...nurturing the soil with my sweat...relishing the experience of my being and my solitude...and when I lie on the breast of mother
Earth, listening to its heartbeats, I felt like an artist lying on canvas to show people the truth...
I always had a thing for appearing calm, unruffled...but I just had a thing...inside, the four chambers were painted red blood coated with dark black emotions
Underneath...never realized, when blood and emotions got mixed up...whenever I smelled that brownish black soil which was known for its fertility and high
Yields, something inside just starts stirring up...rearing its head and innumerable neurons ache...
Sometimes truth is so horrible that it will haunt your dreams forever...
It pained and it pained until I heard that voice....
Father...
Father...where are you...its getting dark....wont you come back...?!
And all of a sudden I was at ease with myself...slowly gathering my composure back...back on the tired yet trusted feet’s...
Meryl!!! Where are you my love?
I am right behind you father...I could see her angelic face hugging my legs from behind...i took her in my arms and hugged my little joy...
That’s the joy of fatherhood...just one look at her face and everything gets buried...
She has oval face just like Amanda, her mother...her big eyes as deep as ocean...and a smile glancing through broken teeth...
Amanda was serving my favourite food...i loved watching her from the corners of my eyes...continuous dripping of warmth and affection...ever so graceful body
Language...sophistication is a virtue...with Amanda it was an unfailing regularity...
A woman cant be a good cook unless she prepares it with love...and whatever she cooked ,always bore a testimony of quality...i could never find a reason not
To find the food delicious...
I asked her, how was the day?
Quite perfect...she replied....
But the undertone gave me some other vibes...
Tell me, something bothering you sweetie?
No darling...not at all....smile still intact on her glossed lips....
There was something strange about my sensitivity! Quite weird...quite unreasonable but it had a bad habit of being right almost always...
I did not want to feel that she was not willing to tell me...lying is the most fun a girl can have without taking her clothes off...guess, it was Amanda’s
Style of having fun...
I took her in my arms...planted a deep kiss...was losing myself to her long tresses and full lips...
And I stopped...I just stopped...
You know, every person possesses a tool which has many shades, types, and performance matrix but its core is called feelings...that tool is feeling...people try
Reading, analyzing, interpreting your tool using their own tool and finally finding a perfect tool and striking at the heart's G-spot...
I did not find her there. Her body just contained an animal lust rather than usual passion...she was a strong lady...kind of a bitch in the street but femme in
The sheets type...Amanda wondered...and shrugged...
And night passed silently...very silently...
Meryl had to have her dinner from my hand...and a song running in the background...a story...
And her father...making her sleep on my lap was my religion...and i always fulfilled that...
Father, dont you miss mom?
I miss her terribly honey...
Then why you don’t you call her back?
Pin-drop silence...
Father??
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Never has there been a time, when I thought myself beautiful. I saw only my flaws when I looked in a mirror, and saw only the problems to fix.
Only ruined flesh, and scars. I saw only the pain inside and not the smile on my lips. Broken promises...
A turbulent childhood and scars of yore...
Amanda promised to heal those scars...without me ever asking for that...
Until that night...
sometimes loving means letting him/her go...and some other times it just means holding on to the other person as hard as possible because if I dont,one blink
And they might disappear...in our's case i am still wondering who disappeared..!!!
I was back to my farm...lying down on the soil...feeling the dead body of my wife which was nourishing the corn on the tilled land and corn had just started
Growing...it’s a green burial and a sight to behold...
And I, all over again started feeling the rustic mix of red blood and black emotions...
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